Episode 7: My Face Looks Like An A** Hole, Happy Endings, and Designing Our New Studio

 

Hey guys, welcome back to the off duty podcast. I'm your host Alexis. 

And your co-host Mike. Hey y'all, what's going on? I do start it the same every time. No, I do. 

I literally locked them out today. 

We got noises on all ends. 

Yeah, because you got that crazy girl yelling in your background. And then we got the dogs barking in my background girl. 

She just screams through the hallways. At random times, you know, I just can't predict it. 

Today is one of her, um, her yelling days. You guys, she's yelling like crazy. 

No, it is quite wild. But you guys, I, like I said, I'm in Florida. Let me set the tone for you. 

It's hot. Sunny. Tropical. 

Yeah. The birds are chirping. Yeah. No, it's like the birds are chirping. I kind of forgot what that was like. Like birds chirp in Astoria. 

What life sounds like. 

But like it's like, let me see if I can. I literally recorded a video. And I was like, that's crazy. Let's see if you guys can hear it. Literally. It was like birds just like mad chirping, just like the wind flowing. Like life is great over here. Do I want to move back? No. 

Yeah. I remember the first time I came back during Christmas when I was in Sweden and I literally felt like a whole body high when the sun hit me. I was like, oh my God, this is life. 

When I arrived yesterday and I smelled the Tampa air, I was like, wow, like that's crazy. 

Time to get back on the plane. 

It's time to go all the way right back to New York. No, thankfully New York's weather is so shit right now. So like I'm not missing it. You know, like I wouldn't miss a New York summer, but being that the weather is shit right now makes me feel so much better than I'm here.

 I'm realizing that places that have four seasons is like an abusive relationship. Like the summers are so good and then the winter sucks. You get sucked in girl. 

Mike, that is the best explanation of it because it's so toxic. Like it like teases you and then like at the end of summer goes back and forth like, oh, we getting cold. Oh, just kidding. Just kidding. We still we getting cold and then boom. It's like you got to layer. 

That's why I told myself I'm moving out this bitch. I need to live somewhere warm where I can really appreciate every moment of my life. 

New York City. 

Anyway, it's quiet. 

You guys, everybody is already saying it. The the ODBs that come up to me in person are like, Mike should definitely literally somebody was like, 

she's making shit. I got sucked in. I sort of believe in the law.

 They are ODBs though, just because they're my friends and they know me personally doesn't mean they're not ODBs. They be coming up to me and they're like, you guys, you make this. I know when's Mike moving to New York? Tell us. Tell us. It's manifest. 

No comment. No comment right now. I will comment on his behalf. 

He's going to move in the fall. No, dad. So let me finish my fucking sentence. They literally are like the content you guys could make together and like the in person podcast and I'm like, I know it would be such a slide like our energies together. 

My friends were saying we should like do YouTube and I was like, bitch, you need a studio for YouTube. You should start translating to Spanish. And I was like, girl, wait a minute. Wait a goddamn minute. 

But I like that because that means you got to move here. And so your friends support that too. 

And then we got to add Spanish. We got to add another co-host that speaks Spanish. 

Vamos a hacer todo el podcast hoy en español. Hola, me llamo Alexis. 

Johnny, when I went to Spain and I saw how people party, I said to myself, what the fuck? 

Can you imagine? I thought about that. I was like, if I did have a YouTube channel, I feel like I would do like one episode all in Spanish just to see what would happen. 

I forget that you speak Spanish. 

Why do you forget? 

You look whiter than me. 

Not with this tan, I got one. 

Girl, thank the gods for that company that made the tan.

 I look like my mama with this tan. 

Maria, Maria, 

Maria, Maria. 

Also, if y'all hear me sniffling, snuffling, doing whatever. 

Why are you always warning them? They don't give a fuck about your health. 

Everybody cares. That's why they care about me moving to New York. They want me there because they want me happy. You're just jealous. 

They want you to have the US health care. 

The best in the world, of course. 

The best in the entire world, you guys. Mike is a little sick because he's been outside.

 I've been fucking dick. 

He has been. And we finna get into it this episode. Yeah, we are, we are. 

That's the topic of the day. 

Mind you, we actually have no topic today. We're kind of just free balling it, free styling it. We got our balls in the air. We got to do what we got to do. 

No, yeah, that's what we're doing today. 

And you guys are just going to have to deal. 

If you like it, you like it. If you don't like it, don't say nothing. Don't say nothing. 

Keep listening. You could turn it down, but keep that shit playing. Two times speed, mute it, do what you got. 

Anyways. Let's jump into the lows, girl. 

Yeah, go ahead. Get into it. 

Give me a low. I was sitting here on my bed planning. What's my low for the week? Anyways, so I was thinking about the low. I was like, I have nothing to put. So the spiral's over. My lows have been like that I'm not working and I had to pay rent. So my money income or my income stream is very. It's trickling it just drops at this point I mean you just got that income like money comes and goes girl

 No money comes and goes 

cuz I have the like the plane lawsuit So I missed the flight and then I saw a tiktok about like how you can get money back now I was like okay perfect like I'm gonna 

Shout out to tiktok 

Yeah I'm gonna like fake sewer I don't even know how the whole process is but I'm getting money back for missing my flight cuz it's there fall Yep, and it's gonna be a good amount It really is anyway, 

so you don't have a low You don't have one inconvenience in your life

 girl just paying rent like that's the only thing inconveniencing me right I'm rent and not working is like my lows. I've been feeling so good like I wake up, but If I keep talking I'm gonna get into my high, so I'll let you go 

Okay, so my low actually one of them happening this morning 

You broke your other toe 

No girl Okay, so I got a spray tan from one of my girlies and she slayed that shit like this tan looks so good You guys like slayed, but I personally don't like my face getting baked hand on because like I do a lot of skincare And my face is like wider anyway, and like I only do one sprints So that shit washed off and yesterday. I was like, you know what I brought these little tan drops that I haven't used yet Let me try them. I mix them in my moisturizer. I make sure I put it all over my face a little bit down my neck so I could like You know blend When I tell you I woke up and my face looked like an asshole. It was insane. 

It looked like like It looks pretty good to me honestly 

Yeah, because I got makeup on right now But like if we got clothes like right outside my lip is why I see and then this cuts off right here See like you can barely tell I really tried to put some makeup on and shit shadow to the alia cream But yeah, that was my low. I woke up looking a fucking clown, but it's okay Low was that my flight yesterday was like kind of horrendous It was like a packed flight I hate a packed flight and I pay for fucking Delta comfort plus and that shit was a scam It was literally like 

wait, what is that? 

It's like between economy and first class. You're supposed to get like 

Oh, you just got extra. 

Yeah, no, I didn't even get that. It was a fucking scam. So fuck Delta like seriously 

How much did you pay for it? 

Seriously, fuck Delta the fucking comfort plus is like an extra like 140 and I got it because I'm traveling with Nala and That poor girl she couldn't even fit and then she was like on this guy's feet and I kept having to apologize And he was like, it's alright and he looked uncomfortable as hell. I felt so bad 

I Forgot that you travel with her like on your person. 

Yes on my person. Yeah So also one of my lows was that I There was this ad on Instagram and like I'm in like my Catching a gig era right now like I'm in New York City, you know, like I'm just hustling I'm trying everything like I'm in the city of dreams It was a casting call for this show a bear So I was like fucking all that to do is just like put my name or whatever. I know we mommy So they emailed me saying like it was like an open casting or whatever And I went to the zoom and it's a literal scam like the whole time Why does it sound too good to be true? I was like, why isn't anybody doing extras like because it was to be an extra And like it's just like a couple hundred bucks for the day type shit Plus you get like all of this networking of like actors. You could get a main role blah blah blah and Then at the end she's like, yeah, you just click that link and let me know when you click it and you go to the link And it's a fucking credit card information to like pay a monthly fee and an intro fee Mind you you send in your photos and everything. They don't even take them for you So like she's acting like people are paying it like Johnny. Yep. Got you. Yep, Stephanie Got you and I'm at the same time. I'm like, let me look this shit up It's all buds every single review said that it was a scam like and that people were paying She was like they act like you're on a zoom call and you don't see who's on it because it's one of those meeting zoom calls So she's literally doing like roll call acting like people are there and I highly doubt people are there It's just you so I hopped off obviously So that was a low but it was funny But I don't know if that led me into this legit casting that I literally right before this submitted my shit, too and You guys it seems pretty legit 

Yeah, girl, everything's a learning experience. Now, you know what this game looks like I do. 

Yeah, we know it's like a pyramid scheme So yeah, those were my lows. Give me your highs. Let's get high. I'm gonna hit a bit I'm gonna hit the pen while you get high really quick. 

So recently I just been feeling super marvelous Immaculate out of this How did this world extraordinary? I just wake up feeling good, but I've been taking my vitamins like 

so you serving hair body face right now We love Gaga this is a weird little monsters over here monsters picture Oh, this is a mashup 

You know, she's not saying anything in German that she's just saying random shit No, she is no It's supposed to similar like her being drunk at a club in Germany and she's like Just pretending to speak German cuz she's so fucked up. 

That's kind of cancelable.. Yeah, Stephanie German. I can do what she wants because that's her name German I don't like that's really her maiden name. 

Has a cookie house a cookie go to But I've been just like finding the balance in life I've been doing a lot of going out but also a lot of working and I'm feel like I'm Finally finding that middle ground of everything and I've been doing my stretches, you know, it's gonna progress into working out We got a size slow 

speaking of that. Let me jump right in you guys. I have a little bit of a code from class pass They're not with me personally still but it's just like my 

We found this code online. No, literally It's just my personal link of like me having an account with class pass because I'm currently paying for it out of pocket So one day this will be sponsored, but if you are interested, I can get you like 60 points for free for two weeks So you can literally like literally literally how many times? But that ass you can use my link it'll be in this description I already sent it to you Mike so use it and you get like 14 days free with like mad options So you're welcome. 

It's late. I need to she just got a massage on class pass. So oh my god, that's part of my hi 

Yeah, oh is it? 

Transition good transition girl. Yeah, you guys we're working so good together Yeah, no, I did my first wellness thing because I've been doing closet like workout classes, but I did my first one thing and I looked up the reviews obviously on cloudspot along with Google because that's the person that I am and it was five star like a thousand reviews five straight no literally I'm a Virgo like I'm gonna look it up um but yeah so I was really in the mood to do like a night massage like after a day of working like I made sure I worked that day oh girl night massage she wanted a happy ending I'm actually avidly looking for a happy ending for some 

do they have that for girls

 yes okay 

well when you find it let me know 

no literally they're legal somewhere I forgot which in New York no 

maybe in like Vegas 

I don't I think it might have been out of the country but they're they have to there's definitely some here and like sex in the city there's an episode where she talked about it do you remember that episode 

I never watched um not that far at least 

Samantha found out that the girls were getting a pussy ate by the masseuse and she was like I want to book an appointment hey so yeah eight let me go get my pussy at it no Dada she made the appointment he didn't eat pussy and she was like what the fuck you're supposed to eat my pussy and then he was like what the fuck so he tried to report her to the manager and then Samantha is like but he eaten everybody pussy and then he got fired and then all the all the other girls are like who's gonna eat my pussy now that episode 

fuck Samantha

 yeah fuck Samantha look who and they're all married she's like who's gonna eat my pussy now but um that is a fantasy of mine I will absolutely would you let a girl absolutely I'd be scared I catch a disease yeah you know the only thing I would think about is like make sure you wipe your hands before you put like oily fingers in my pussy because I could get an infection I can get yeast infection like wipe it down 

what about the tongue

 how you want to wipe the tongue 

what if they have mouth herpes

 I mean hopefully not I mean maybe we can sign something before I don't know maybe that could be the only one that they've done that with um it could be like a surprise would you would you get a happy ending would you go to get a happy ending I don't know I

I'm too nervous about HIV or diseases 

no but like what if what if you're getting a massage by a cute ass dude and he was like do you mind if I get closer 

no just do what you have to do 

and then he's like do you mind if I put my mouth on it yeah you would 

no I wouldn't if I was in the moment but I now thinking clearly no I wouldn't 

you're wild I definitely would I'd be like I say that now but one time I left a massage I was younger though I think it was like 20 which is like still like are you growing but this guy after he rubs me down right I'm already closed and he's supposed to hand me the 

I'm already close to coming 

no I could I could have been if he said it in the room but after when he was handing me water he was like something like you have like the most beautiful body like some you know I froze I was like he was rubbing my ass down because I go like naked like I don't give a fuck and 

even with men 

yeah preferred yeah because there's a whole koochi out koochi out 

pussy faced in the world 

because I don't like when you know they want to do like the glutes to the back and like it gets caught in the panties you know but he was in my ass and I know my ass was looking like a pack of pancakes girl just got a laser girl just got my asshole laser ready to fucking go he should have said something in the room girl because I would have let him this is the best smelling asshole I've ever seen I do shower and perform massage is just in case 

oh bitch I would too 

you know yeah some hoes don't I would shave too

 I would do everything yeah I was waxed I

I was like she better be spraying my asshole you never know I want a good look looking green girl you should bleach your asshole 

no no no I want a dark a little chocolate starfish 

it's already dark

 I want a darker 

oh okay

 yeah girl I've seen my asshole you know I have pictures

 you want your asshole to look like my face today I should have taken a picture I should have taken a picture of it anyway I think I had another hi let me see I don't know if we warned you guys but today yeah yeah we said it we're just freestyling yeah we did so like if you're waiting for something this is a talk on the phone episode just sit back relax 

and just laugh 

and just laugh or like run an errand like fold your clothes girl autumn clothes that are in the dry right now go ahead and fold down how about you make your bed how about you walk to the coffee shop how about you get up get your asshole

 I'm not your bad lazy bitch get the fuck up bitch how about if you at work 

if you wanted our corporate off-duty baddies why don't you get up take yourself to the coffee shop fuck your balls for the 10 minutes somebody 

y'all need to fill out a job application 

how about you do that how about you do that 

how about you get the fuck up fix your CV fucking grow up any 12 year olds grow the fuck up no there's absolutely no 

if you're 12 get the fuck out of here like what 18 and up honestly 

go ahead and clock out for me 

no clock out disney adults clock out clock in mic mic you're done it's a solo laugh I'm looking for a disney adult husband Oh my god, what a twink you 

I'm a twunk

you would be a twunk bitch You would be how fucking cute would that be you in love with Disneyland with your man with my my jeans shorts and my Little and then you grow out your hair just to You guys I'm gonna find a pic I'm gonna find a picture of my 

no We're not ready for that. Yeah, some of my friends I know for over a year don't even know I have another high 

you're gonna die you guys I Finally watched Megan. Oh My She's back in the studio, but she's on my end. 

Hey guys Hey Megan welcome back to the studio How are you doing? I got the end of her I got the ending ending of the movie time the crazy Crazy you did exaggerate on some parts like the dog. Oh girl the whole part Fragmented memory you guys it's definitely like as soon as it started You could just tell like the the whole purpose of it was just to overdo everything to the point of humor 

Like if you don't they don't give a fucking

 They don't give a fuck like the whole fucking robot that they were supposed to build that commercial at the beginning like so you can outlive your dog 

They literally I used to have a toy like that did you ever have that it was like these dogs that had like one had blue ears One had pink. 

I remember though the little pets that McDonald's had in the Happy Meal I think it was that thanks. It was low like great. Yeah, I collected the fuck out of that I really thought it was like I was like this is the future. I was yep. 

They see you making Yeah, no, but that shit was funny as fuck. 

It was so good I forgot what's her name from girls is in there and I fucked with her her personality is the same with every single Role that she gets but like I kind of like it. 

She just she wasn't get out 

She wasn't get out Yeah I like girls that are like in horror movies like that But Megan was just funny like y'all need to watch it the singing part was actually really funny I'm trying to think of the other part it went out for a long Cuz I was like, oh that ain't that bad 

Why do I remember this shit going on so long 

because when I'm super suited like super super super suited I'm like, you know this shit taken forever, especially when it's a singing part cuz like I don't like musicals either I Actually the movies not that long to be honest. No, it's not it's a quick one But honestly the end I was like already over it. I was like, oh, she crazy like somebody fun to kill. Yeah same at the end I was already positive. 

She was gonna everybody though the way she killed that little boy 

Queen. He deserved it. 

I was like, yeah 

But it was his mom that hit him. 

What? 

Yeah, I think it was his mom

 How do we know that I didn't even know that they said that 

they said at the end I think they said like he's in the hospital. No, he's dead cuz his mom hit him. She pushed him in front of his mom's car

 Queen honestly, she did what she had to he was low as well But yeah, those are my highs pretty filled pretty fulfilled week I've been feeling good, 

but also like the Sun's been out a lot So I think that's what it has to do with that and then daylight savings is coming soon And I know when that hits it's gonna be like it went to so far. Yes, I'm a time. 

I got that summer time summer time sadness

 I forgot about my Lana phase. 

Yeah, she's coming back She had like an interview mad cover and like I think the album's coming out 

Yeah, she does she's gonna have like trap beats now, which so like 

Ariana Grande.

 I don't know Yeah Sound like that and I'm like, I don't know it's going to mainstream for me I haven't been liking her albums in recent years to be honest 

I never really got into her the way I would like Gaga or whatever.

 I saw her live three times 

Damn, that's how many times I saw Drake 

That's not something to be proud of I'm not proud of it anymore. 

You both Pito Pito babe though, babe if you're listening Yeah, but baby he got me he do but he also got me if you really really wanted He got me too don't worry about it so 

My wreck for this week. I was still on my journey of traveling back in time and watching movies that I like before So I was feeling a little spooky a little scary and I wanted to smoke and watch something because I Have this new thing where I get smoke in its nighttime And I watch a movie with my phone so close to my face that it feels like I'm in the theater Like I have to move my head left and right to watch the movie And I put my AirPods on noise cancel so it feels like I'm in the theater 

That's a little much babe. I want to set the tone Do you still have the TV or do you go take a TV? 

No, I have the TV, but it's on the floor The ghetto. 

Oh, why we're fridge right? Yeah, we gotta fight home girl 

Hold on. I'm still sitting on my bed. I don't have a chair for the desk yet. 

Why? 

Life comes in phases We're still in phase

 Like on it and then you started partying again, and then you're like fuck.

 I don't need up for a mature girl I don't need nothing 

how you finna be a digital nomad and not have a fucking chair.

 I Do things unfinished too much 

You need to turn the shit out girl cuz 

I knew a therapist Lord knows you do but the movie 

The movie I watch was it follows. Have you heard of this movie? Oh my god, this movie's so good So it's about this invisible. I don't even know how to describe it It's like this invisible demon that gets passed on to you if you have sex with the person that has this invisible It's on Netflix. 

Thank you to our partners at Netflix. 

Oh, is it? Thank you Netflix for giving me the first look at the movie It was from 2014 They invited me and Megan 

Megan off are you sure?

 Megan on you can't do that. Megan listen 

She went in wait this movie's kind of gruesome. I'm looking at it's not that bad So it's like AIDS, but like demon 

like you're passing around like so if the demon catches you it kills you Actually, maybe I shouldn't tell you too much, but the demon only follows one person and nobody else can see them and this demon I don't know if it's a demon or what it whatever 

it's a fatal curse that is passed from victim to victim via sexual intercourse. 

There we go. Yeah. And it can change what person it is so it can be anybody but it's always following you and it's always walking and never runs.

 Is this the first time you watch this movie or is this one of your repeats? 

No, I've seen it before but it led me to like the movie I watched later. 

Okay. 

So the main actress like I don't know something about her vibe is so. She seems like yeah. Oh, Micah Monroe. 

Yeah and so she has this new movie that just came out. It's called The Watcher. Not this movie. This bitch is always in a movie with somebody following her. Actually now that I think about it. 

You can find that thanks to our partners at YouTube. 

It's actually on Shutter I think. I

It's on Amazon Prime if you have a premium subscription. 

For all y'all listening watch these movies. So this is about a woman actually an American woman. American woman. Actually Romania. She moves to Romania with her husband. 

Oh, for real? And then she like doesn't know the language. That gap was terrible. 

I'm gonna do it all with the editing. 

She said that's my priority. Wait, I'm definitely gonna watch this. 

And she's like thinks her neighbor is watching her and she sees him. Every time she looks out the window she sees him staring at her and it's just like the progression of this story but it's also her. You look like a watcher. Yeah. That movie's really good. 

It was like really tense. That she acts like the same person like I don't know how to explain it. Like nonchalant. I just like her vibe. 

Are any are either of those like kind of comical or no? 

It follows this kind of comical. It's not like Megan but it's oof. It has some scary moments. 

You still haven't seen Infinity Pool and since I watched Megan you need to watch Infinity Pool for real. Make it a priority. 

I don't know what you want me to do when it's not in the theater and it's not online. Yes. Because I'm pretty sure. Let me see. Oh, I found it. Oh, this is great quality. Say send it to me. 

I'm about to watch it again. The shit is so good. That's not even a wreck of this week but it is a wreck if you wanted another one. Infinity Pool is so funny. There's a law going on. Keep an open mind. Keep an open mind. Get really high. Have to. If you're going in that bitch sober you're going to hate it. Oh my god. 

I'm definitely like I'm going drinking today. Not too crazy but 

are you really? 

I'm going to drink a little bit because you haven't been drinking a while. No, I haven't been drinking that much. 

Lucas is going where we're doing like a surprise thing for like this like bar with like games and stuff like arcade games and it's like 22 of us. 

22. He got friends to be deported like that. That's wild. 

He has so many friends but he's like a dog. Like he goes up to everybody and just talks. He's like a dog. No, literally. I swear to god. Get me. Talk to me. Talk to me. That's so. He has blonde hair. Like he looks like a golden retriever. 

That sucks. Does he know what he's going to do when he gets back? 

He wants to go to school and finish his economics degree. 

I mean there's nothing to do with that but it's like. 

He likes economics a lot. 

I actually loved economics when I was taking it in college. I was obsessed with it. I even tutored for it. Like I taught like I taught people economics. 

It's so boring to me. I just don't. I don't like politics or economics. 

Economics was like fascinating. 

Low key. I sound like such an idiot. 

A little bit. 

Like those are the two things that make the world spin. Really? 

Okay anyway, my rec. Yeah. I saw this movie called Spin Me Round and. 

Spin me round. Spin me round. 

Round. Round. Round. 

If we go. If we go down. Down. 

Aubrey Plaza isn't it? So that's exciting. 

Aubrey Hepburn. 

Oh I was like don't you know I'm bad with names. I was like damn did I really get it wrong? Aubrey, 

Audrey, Aubrey. 

Aubrey right? 

Yeah. 

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like funny but like super weird. 

Give me the synopsis. 

We make fun of the amount of times Mike says synopsis. It's basically like a satire of like a rom-com but it's like supposed to be dark humor but like it has like suspenseful noises so you think something crazy is gonna happen but it's really just an orgy. That's like my rec. Like the whole time I was thinking like is she crazy or is it just the music? 

Right. Because I have like anxiety sometimes where I'm like somebody's following me and then I think about I'm like I think I'm just paranoid.

 Like you know how the sounds of white lotus like they begin to. No like the um like when you're watching it there's like suspenseful sounds. 

Oh like JAWS type shit like. Yeah like some shit like that. So I love that. 

I put very much like what the fuck is going on. Aubrey Plaza speaking Italian. Oh my god. Girl on girl with Aubrey. The way I wanted. 

I think she's bi. She can be. 

She could be with me. Every girl. Every man. Men are gay as far as anyway. 

It's a spectrum. 

We need to unpack that someday. You know what tomorrow. No yeah we should for the next episode maybe. We'll think about it. 

Maybe I'll do a social experiment where I like test out how many straight guys I can kiss in one night. 

You naturally do that. So you might as well just like. 

Is this problematic.

 It is actually. Well it depends perspective. 

I just have a perspective. 

Anyway the girl on girl moment was like I was like this is this is something um kind of scary movie. Different. Major orgy scene and then wild boars question mark. 

Wild boars. 

Yeah. 

Bears boars. She's doing movies with animals now. 

Right because I thought about Black Bear and I was like. Yeah. She. Yeah.Black Bear was good. Now that you say that I kind of just threw me back. T

hat was a good. Black Bear was good. 

I'm about to rewatch it again too because like yeah we really been on like our dark thriller type of era right now. Yeah I believe so. I don't know. 

I just want to get spooked. I want to feel some. Yeah I want to feel some. 

I want to be distracted and sometimes like comedy isn't enough since I'm a comic now. Since I'm a comedian. Since I have the number one comedy podcast in America. 

It's kind of hard. Exactly like the spirit side. Yeah. Me and Alexis were actually talking about improv and I'm putting it on the podcast because I want to push myself because I want to stick true to my word. 

You guys hold this accountable. 

Exactly. No one's gonna remember but. 

No you will. People are gonna come up to me and they're gonna be like did Mike do it. I want to do improv because it seems fun and it's like a great way to like I don't know stretch your brain. I want to do improv so bad. 

I'm so good at smoking comfortably. Yeah with friends.

 It's like because with friends I can eat like I get nervous for a second but then I'm like Lex you can do this. Like come on let's do it. It's fun. It's fun. But if I'm around people I feel like oh my god they like they don't know how cool I actually am. 

You know like what if they think I'm not weird at home. I think that when I'm like listening to music walking down the street I'm like nobody knows how good my music taste is. 

I know here in Tamp on like nobody knows I live in here. XCX city. 

Nobody knows I listen to Sophie. 

Oh my God, nobody knows I listen to Sophie. Nobody knows I listen to Charlie XCX and Sophie. 

Oh my God, when I would listen to Vroom Vroom, that whole album, what a time in my life. 

Brum, brum, brum, brum, brum, brum, brum. 

Here's a question I actually thought about today. Like people talk about peaks in their life. So like one of my peaks was like when I lived in Sweden, I had no cares in the world. Do we ever get that back? Like do we ever have multiple peaks?

 Yeah, I believe so. They're just different.Like it's not gonna feel exactly like that, but it's gonna be so unfamiliar that like the nostalgia of it and the euphoria of it would feel the same. 

Isn't it crazy that you don't know you're in a peak until it's over? Doesn't that suck? 

It sucks. But like even I'm getting more aware of it. Like although like I've been having like my ups and downs, like the other day I had this like feeling where I was like, I'm really in my peak right now. Like, and this is just the beginning. Like and I'm over here like thinking that everything's struggling, but like this is really the beginning. I'm like, I'm not over here building this following, starting this rocker, amazing podcast. 

This is the rock podcast. Stay tuned. 9333FLZ. 

Timber based and done. Go bucks, rocker. Go bolts, go bucks, go rains. 

Go brothers. Did you ever watch the Hulk Hogan reality TV show on VH1? 

Absolutely. Yeah, girl, I loved it. No, I loved his daughter. What's her name, Brooke, right? 

Brooke. 

Girl, what song does she have? She had a banger. 

She had two bangers. I remember her first one was so good. 

Oh my God. I'm looking it up right now. Mike, you just brought something back.

What's her name, Brooke Candy, in it? Or is that somebody else? 

No. Brooke Candy is the one that we used to listen to while we were in the center. Brooke Hogan. 

Oh. 

Yeah, I loved that reality show. Paris Hogan had this song. It was like, what was that song called? You know it, it's black and white. 

No, which one? 

Look it up. Million reasons? No, that's the Lady Gaga song. 

You really stuck on Gaga right now. 

Stars are blind. Nothing in this world can none and none. 

I don't think I remember that song. I can do what she can do so much better. That. Speaking of like early 2000s, would you ever be on that MTV show next? 

Oh my God, yeah, I would. Everybody on that show had a third nipple. Like those are fun fact. I was like, how many people got third nipples on this bit? They was lying. 

For real? How about Room Raiders? 

Oh my God, if they go through my room now, I don't think I would go on Room Raiders. My room does not describe me like, they're gonna be like, who the fuck is this person? No bed, just a couch with a bed attached to it. 

Yeah, I know, they would think you homeless girl. They'd be like, we gotta find her home, girl. 

The thing is, I have no curtains at my house so all my neighbors can see my insides. Your insides? They look inside your asshole. I've been walking around naked sometimes. 

They see if that asshole was bleached or not. 

Oh, it's tan. It's tan, girl. Yeah, I'm gonna get down over here. Yeah, I'm gonna grab my pants. That's too damn bad.

 I'm tired, grandpa, please. That's too damn bad. 

Oh, Jessica Simpson, girl. I'm about to have a little dance. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Jessica Simpson, a real me is a seven girl. 

Rally lies on an open heart. 

My favorite was, oh no, I'm thinking of Vanessa's Hudgin's sneak a night. Butch a sneak a zone, we're gonna party all night long. You know that one? 

Yeah, I liked her other one. If you say all right, you say OK. Will you try to make me feel better? We feel better. If she was on the swing set. 

It's got me nice. It's got me OK. Miranda Cosgrove, did you listen to her? 

No, I actually didn't. 

Oh, girl, you missed out. Now, what was that so long? 

I mean, nobody really did it like Cheetah Girls. Girl. Now, you know. I want to go to Barcelona so bad. Barcelona. 

I went and I felt like Cheetah Girls. I could not get the song out of my head. Like, I was like, you got a straw like you mean it. Free your mind. 

I'm thinking about moving to Spain now. That's been my, I don't know. I've always wanted to move to Madrid or Barcelona. 

110%. Like, I think I'm going to do it because I've been wanting to learn Spanish anyway. And so many people in the world speak Spanish. 

I will literally be your roommate if you're down. Like, I would literally live there for like three, four months. 

Well, let's go because I'm moving in the fall. Slay it. Now I got two roommates. She went. 

Dude. Do not do this to me right now. Don't do that, girl. Don't do it. You bet it. He's really part of those plans? 

He might be. I'm being real and raw, like the sugar. 

You could be raw inside this pussy is what you really can be. 

I'm about to bust in a bear bag. Oh, let's do a quick tarot reading. 

Yeah? Y

eah. I don't know, because I've been wanting to read my tarot. I've been getting really back into it. Okay, so. I'm the month in perspective, I guess. 

Okay, I have a yes or no. Okay, girl, what's your question? 

Okay, I don't know if it's too simple, but if I do get accepted to this casting, like, is it like a good idea for my career? Okay, is this casting called good idea for Alexis's career spirits? 

We're going to do three times, like we always do. Slice, slice, slice. Oh, girl, maybe you're an actress.

 Right? I'm like, should I like start? I always wanted to do it, but I was like, how does one know? I want to do everything now. I want to be a DJ. 

Girl, my friends were telling me they put Titanic in 4D. I was like, the sex scene is going to be intense. 

Yeah, that is intense. 

I mean, just the ending is going to be intense, but like, what are they going to do the whole movie?

 I always wondered if actresses got horny during sex scenes, like if it's with somebody like attractive. 

But what does a guy do? Like, of course, sometimes they get hard

 But they put a pillow there so you don't feel anything, but like the breathing alone, like you know, like, okay, what we got?

 We got the three of wands in reverse. 

Oh, it's a yes. Yeah. Yeah. Slay. Oh, wait, just kidding. That was upright. Oh, reverse says self doubt, regret and perceived failure.

 Oh, mine says bad business, failed business, ventures, poor grasp of the future. 

Oh my God. Let's move on. Will we now particular enough? Let me ask again, should I do this frozen food YouTube short with this casting company? 

Let's see what the spirits are saying. These cars don't like you. 

You know what? Maybe it's because they're like, girl, you can make so much more with influencing, like sit down and relax. 

Like stop. We got the nine of swords and it's not a very pleasant looking card. Nine of swords upright. 

Yeah. It's a hard no. Yeah. 

Mind saying suffering, desolation, doubt, suspicion, misery, dishonesty, slander. I don't want to read the rest.

 If it was reversed, it would have been letting go of anxiety, optimism, recovering, but upright, it's despair, hopelessness. 

This is the card I got. 

When we said the only fans. Yes. If you guys listened to our tarot episode, I think it's episode four. 

Yeah. 

Okay. So I guess I'm not going to act. I think I'm still going to do it though. If I get it like that, it's like a lot of money. 

Girl, do it. Let's see. Let's see. The spirits aren't always right. 

What do you mean? What if it like fucks up my... 

Go into a positive. It's all about perspective. Not that you have this information that means that you can change your future because this wasn't a... 

Are they called face cards? I don't even know. I'm scared that the card said no about the commercial. 

Maybe it's a scam. 

No, I looked it up. It's with the union. Keep trying. At least you won't have any surprises. They said they're looking for a 20 to 30 Caucasian thick girl. 

Caucasian? 

Here I am. They said they found me and they searched. I said, slay. Now my SEO really working right now. 

I think you'll make it. Maybe I'm shuffling these bitches wrong. Maybe, bitch. Maybe it's your energy. Your energy don't want me to win. That's what it is. 

No, I'm the jealous bitch. You really are a girl. Let me do my... Go ahead. Well, my move in the fall be successful. 

What does that mean?

 No, I want to ask like, will I actually move in the fall or will I stay in Sweden? 

You know you are. 

Let's see. I know I am, but let's see what the cards are saying. I like to make plans and then just go back on them. 

Yeah, because you a fucking loser.

 I'm a flake. 

Fucking L loser.

 She's jealous, y'all. Let her be. 

I'm critical. 

Okay, so will I actually move in the fall from Sweden? They're like, yeah, you'll just go to another part of Sweden. I'll just move apartments and stuff. If you do your debt, you better not. 

Oh, I got the night of wands upside down. Let's see. Separation, discord, misunderstanding, progress, interrupted, a quarrel. To me, this is a separation. So it means yes, I'm leaving. I'm separated. I'll take it as it is. 

You really should move away from me. 

Girl watch this, watch this. Do you see how I'm minding my own business? 

I'm just saying you got to be real with yourself, girl. 

Okay, so this question is for one of our ODBs that wrote in. Her name starts with an M. If you're listening, Ms. M, this one's for you. 

Misinformation.

 Misinformation. 

Her question is, am I going to date a girl? Twinsies. 

Girl, if you said yes, we should date each other. Oh, she did have a glow up.

 She sure did. Maybe. 

Maybe that's why you guys met. 

What's the name of this? Both of your doors are opening at the same time. And by doors, I mean pussy. 

Yeah, pussy doors, doors open, same thing.

 Oh, the star in reverse. This bitch got her whole pussy out too. These cards are sexual. I'm not going to masturbate to these. I'm about to. It's a yes. Ms. 

M, it's a yes. You should date a girl. Congratulations. Let's congratulate that girl. Congratulations, girl. 

You're fine. You're finally bi curious. You made it to the other side. 

And I know she's going to be listening too. So go ahead. It has an air of happiness and positivity girl. It looks like you really find a bio so make through pussy. Yeah. 

You guys should go to a massage together and get happy endings. We should give each other happy endings. You guys alive on the podcast and try sex toys. I'm excited. Speaking of sex toys, we're going to have a sex toy company. You guys, it's going to get there. We're going to do live reviews. No, Mike. 

Live customer reviews. Why? I want to do it. Yeah. 

I got this ASMR mic for what? I want to do it. I want to moan into it and get paid to moan into it. Moan and groan. 

Okay, cards. Would we be more successful if we lived in the same city? Spirit calling your power. It's going to be a maybe. Maybe yes, maybe no. Okay. 

And we got the upside down Queen of Wands. She's slaying with her little fit. Fashion week, brick up on brick lane. She went down. What's it say? It was reversed. Yeah. 

I don't believe it. I can't believe this. It's that we need to live in the same city girl. Doesn't shut up. Let me look this up myself. Yeah. So if you pulled the Queen of Wands and reversed the answers. Yes. Slaying. 

What's going on, Franklin? I E you need to not freak out about moving to New York City. Oh my god Mine is saying strict domineering jealous vengeful a deceitful woman Passion over rules all other concerns a tendency towards unfaithfulness One of us is gonna go behind the others back and sign a contract This is gonna be like coming daddy car daddy. It's really not we work way too well together Like I feel like we would go to therapy before we even thought about like do they have therapy for friends? 

Yeah Wow, I didn't know that Yeah, so I guess we would be more successful when we have our studio in the same city I was actually imagining the studio yesterday. We're not talking to my friends about it I was like, oh my god, like I can't wait to actually get one I imagine it being like a studio apartment in a pre-war building like in the city with brick walls Yeah, I imagine you in a little round table and like two chairs I'm I'm like a couch vibes. Oh, I imagine two chairs with a round table. 

Okay Let's let's align. I'm trying to think. Yeah. 

Yeah, let's align really quick Let's think of like our fate. Oh my god And then I'm gonna make a video of like us like fast-forwarding to like our studio when we get it. Um Okay, so brick wall. 

Yeah, we have like a little kitchen Bathroom, I'm imagining like purple chairs. I was imagining like pink or green. That's close Well pink is close or maybe cream I'm imagining like purple because a complimentary colors with green and I imagine plants in our background I imagine like neon lights plants and like play. Yes off-duty Vibe off-duty will always have like smoke there and drinks And I imagine like two comfy chairs that are like couches kind of like facing each other reclining Oh, we were going to sleep We were going to sleep, please I would absolutely go night night No, literally And then we also have like a round table where we can work from and that's where like our assistant is taking the notes Oh my god. 

Yes Right My friend was saying this like really big podcast makes all their money off YouTube Not that we're in it for the money. We're in it for the fame Girl, we're in it for the money too. I've admitted I'm financially driven But like why not want to make your passion something lucrative like get the fuck out of my face if you don't want to Oh, absolutely. Bitch, I need money Right. I feel like the only people that say that came from money when you come from nothing You want to all you want is money like come on. 

There's this new show on netflix called um Formula one. I've gone to formula one in austin. Yeah. Yeah, is it good? I feel like it'd be boring Um, I think it's quite boring. 

I grew up with my stepdad being into f1 in NASCAR So he would watch that shit every sunday morning and then when I moved to austin They got tickets to f1 and I went the best part was the concert after the end. Yeah, it was britney's first in bruno mars I mean bruno mars can go but like britney. What was she singing? Tell me about the concert Girl, I'm too good. It was just like damn Damn. 

You know slave for you all that like the regular shit, but yeah One is definitely like money just money money money, but I wasn't interested in looking at the documentary I want to see the pamela one though the one on hulu. Oh, not the acted one the pamela anderson documentary. Yeah Got you. She's super smart. I actually want to dive into her story a little bit more Me too. 

I downloaded it for the flight But then I ended up watching the second will konda forever movie, but then I fell asleep. Is it good? No, if you fell asleep. It was on delta. 

I was stressed out. So that's probably why I think like I finally got a snack in me And I was like let me fucking fall asleep, but I was stressed the whole time like I was thinking about missing my flight It was weird. It was a weird light nap for sure Wait, okay, so let's think about our studio. So we got our studio down, right? Like we want like two separate chairs or kind of facing each other We have our window. 

Yeah, and then the odbs are waiting outside of course a window But the window is like when you're looking at us straight on the windows on the left. Yeah So it would be on our right. See That's kind of we why are we so aligned sleigh? And it's like a big window and it's like the ones that have like the yeah, like a loft window Yeah, like in a warehouse in a warehouse type shit Yeah sleigh We have a fire escape. Oh my god a balcony It's gonna be like our lounge area work from home area studio It's gonna be like everything And like we don't have to record there like every week because like we'll be traveling and like recording from like Lee's boom Oh, what oh my god or Bali, right? But majority of our episodes would be in the studio and the stew when we have our guests We'll have a third chair for the guests Oh my god in the middle between us sleigh. 

That might be a little intimidating Yeah, because then they had to keep looking left and right. Yeah, we might have to rearrange that. Yeah. 

Oh my god It's getting a little too real So we're gonna wrap it up actually The only time I'm excited to wrap it up No qualms you guys no qualms no problem But okay, we hope you enjoyed today's episode Oh, we sure enough did we love spending time with you guys.

 Absolutely

 as always Um, you can find all of the information recommendations and links in today's description Always remember to follow us on tiktok and instagram at off duty underscore six times Get right and get into it you guys 

get right and get tight Just like this fat ass bussy bussy bussy pot

 and listen to ranks bussy poppin playlist It's the best hyper pop playlist there is

 it honestly is no it's not even just hyper pop It's a it's like a mix of everything that just gets you pumped up and ready to go. Yeah, because you got um And then it's like let's ride And then you have like He's broken Yeah And then you have the verandah goes on there Oh my god, girl Maybe one day I'll dive into the story where I um went to an alien aj concert and eventually that turned into me taking Uh, from a drag queen, right? So maybe maybe I'll unpack that one day. 

All right guys. Well, we love you so much And see you guys next week. Stay tuned you guys out