Episode 15: Hormone Health, I Need Therapy, and A Proper Guide to Loneliness

 Hey guys, welcome back to Proper. I'm your host, Alexis. 

And your co-host, Mike. Yeah, yeah. Happy Wednesday. 

Hey, yeah. Welcome back to the musical podcast. 

What song are we singing today? 

If you guys were listening last week, you know that we changed our topic to being a musical podcast. So welcome to our show. 

The musical stoner sex podcast. 

With a hint of comedy. 

With a hint of comedy. 

With a hint of cum. 

With a hint of cum. 

Speaking of that, we need to get into our feral season. Summer's coming up. 

We need to get feral. Summer is around the corner. We should have, ooh, I just thought of a good episode next week prepping for a feral summer. 

I don't know what it includes, but it could be a proper guide.

 Ooh, maybe we should actually get feral before we make the episode. Yeah, it's like masturbate. 

How about we masturbate with the man with us?We need to move on to that step. 

Get your legs, wax, get your pussy wax, get your balls wax.

 Ooh, get the whole bleached. 

Anal bleaching. I need to do it just to experience. I think you and I should do it as an experiment for the podcast and we could do it live. 

Because I've been wanting to get it done as well. 

Ooh, for our only fans. 

You're so right. It's a bit chillay. That you just look like that. We're not. I'm referencing that thing. So, okay, guys, if you haven't watched it, it's those two girls. Are they from the UK? 

I believe so. 

They make fun of smokers in the cold. And they're like, it's a bit chill, ain't it?

 I think they're from the UK because Americans don't really smoke cigarettes anymore. 

No, that's the thing is that they're smoking something fake. It's not even a cigarette. That's what they're making fun of UK people in the cold.

 I know, but it wouldn't make sense in the States. You know, like if they're not in the States, how they know British people smoke so much.

 Everybody knows that people in Europe smoke a lot. They do. It's a common thing, babes. But anyway, we're going to have a proper guide. 

I think we should do that. Well, the spring just started. The pussy is flourishing into the flower. The flowers, the weeds are coming out your pussy. 

I smell it. Girl, it's about to be overgrown. We got to pick them weeds, girl, because summer is here. 

We got to prep your yard, a proper yard. 

Oh, prep the yeast. Clean the yeast out. Yeah. 

Proper spring cleaning. Anyways. All right, so let's get low. 

Me low, as always. Me low, I low. So this one's as always, they're connected to my highs. But I'll get into that later. But I was talking about how the summer is here. It's flourishing. It's great. Well, the week came and the cold weather is back. Can't go outside with the t-shirt no more. The sun's not here. Rain is here. Cold. I mean, the grass is starting to grow back. So I guess that's a little bit of a high, but I have had no energy for two days. It was definitely a tease. 

No, for sure. I was like, wow. Well, you probably haven't had energy because you partied for 72 hours. That's going to get into my high. 

I don't know why you can never keep it a buck with yourself. Really? Yeah, I'm so it's the weather. 

Girl, it's because you didn't sleep for 72 hours. It was only 40, I think. Okay. Yeah, it was only 40. I didn't really keep track, but it was a really fun weekend. Good. But yeah, my lowest like it's just the weather as always. Well, that's pretty insignificant. 

So bad. As always, I'm insignificant. That was even more significant than when your cat died. Too soon, girly. What's that? Sorry. But not as significant as your dog shitting everywhere. Right. 

I almost made that Milo again this week. She's not showing no more though. No, yeah, she's back to normal. 

Praise be, girl. Hello update for you guys. Anyway, I have a couple of lows. 

One of them is kind of an update. If you have been listening before or if you're new here, I recently got off of my birth control, which is such a journey because I've been on it for more than half of my life. And so my low is that I got woken up by my cramps at 4am along with the period shits that came along with it. So this year, first time having a period in a while? It's my first time having a period ever without additive hormones. And so I've always been able to manipulate my period, meaning prolong it and not have it for six months, along with when you have a period on birth control, whether it's IUD or whatever, your body is producing a fake period. So it's like fake walls. 

So your ovarian walls and the whole process of ovulation and menstruation isn't really true to the body. Also doesn't hurt? Well, it hurts. But it's not, I don't know, like, you know how sensitive I was on Tuesday? I've never experienced something like that where I could just cry. I always make fun of how sensitive I am, but I'm not the type to just cry. Not even alone? I could cry alone, but I was, I could cry in front of anybody. I could cry on the bus that day. 

I think I did. I hate those days. I was so exhausted from how emotional I was that I fell asleep on the couch, like, at 9. Like right when I got home from work. I think you should talk about that story with the kids. I didn't. 

I don't. Actually, no, no, they might listen just in case. Bro, that's the least of it if they listen, girl. 

I talk about fucking way too much on here for them to be worried about me talking about them. But anyway, so yeah, I've been super emotional. I've never had those experiences of just like the full menstruation cycle, I guess. And now I'm like, ugh, it's a lot. Bro, I was just talking to my coworker about periods and how much it hurts. And I was like, I'm so thankful. 

Thankful for these balls. It was weird. It was like I was woken up. I don't know if when you got COVID, you got like the full body cramps and it woke you up in the middle of the night. I had symptoms for maybe a day. 

Okay. And it wasn't bad. Well, it's like if you were to get really sick and you wake up in the middle of the night because you have body cramps. Have you ever felt like that at all or no? 

I've had body cramps when I hold in a fart for like all day. Oh my God. Like if I'm like... That's... What? Just let that shit go, girl. Just fart. I hold it in for so long because I'm like, I can never find the perfect moment and then I keep holding it in so it becomes a bigger fart. And then I'm like, it's going to be loud so I have to go somewhere silent or not silent but like... Girl, the train is loud enough. 

I'm squirting and farting on the train. No. I'm the shortest. They don't even see me, girl. When I'm at raves, I be walking through the crowd like... Nobody be noticing. One time I walked on the elevator, somebody literally... It was like somebody shot in the corner. It was insane how strong that fart was. Whoever left it, I could taste it like throughout, like even getting it. It was disgusting. 

Ew. I know he felt so bad too. He was like, oh my God. No, men don't feel bad. If it was a girl, she was like, oh my God, it died inside of me. But men were probably like, oof, feel bad for them. No, oh my God. 

I can't fart in public like that. It depends, but like for the most part. I don't know, I'm kind of solo a lot though. 

I think about that too. I'm like the fact that I'm solo a lot, I'm afraid of when I do have a partner. Because I'm not going to be the type to want a partner. I think you'll know. I don't want to. 

at all like I think that's sacred even if we're married I can talk about poop and all that but I don't think we should fulfill knowing what each other's fun smells like and stuff like I went separate bathrooms no I can shit like in front of my partner if they're like showering but I don't want I I don't want to do that I'm too used to shitting and in talking to people because of sharing about the room then I'm just like I don't want to continue that in this next cycle of when I have a partner my god bitch could you shit in public like in a public park probably not if I don't have baby wipes no I don't want to shit anywhere I know when I was growing up I was terrified about pooping in public and then I knew that I wanted to study abroad and I knew I wanted to do like the trip and prove that we did I knew that I wanted to start traveling with people so I started practicing I'm the type to do this and I trained myself to get comfortable with pooping in public places because pooping with people I'm comfortable with that's fine but like I could barely even poop in my friend's house because I was afraid of you know clogging the toilet and shit like me you know what I mean I don't share that anybody's house that was really bad on my stomach then once I started training myself to let it go this is like dragging on not a shit conversation but I trained myself to be okay to do it in public people trained for marathons we trained to shit right like I will do it on an airplane if I have to oh no if I have to like bitch you're stuck there you can't do anything you got to shit right there was one time I drank a beer before a flight and it expanded and I kept having to get up to fart in the bathroom with a beer fart no yeah I got into the bathroom because beer farts are so funky that would have been bad no it's just air it was nothing but air I just kept getting so bloated I would be like like a fucking balloon I mean I've thrown up on flights so like shitting is nothing you know I remember I threw up on this fucking spirit why the fuck did we fly spirit to fucking Peru the first time I left five hours spirit and not only was it the cheapest flight but it was the cheapest seat on the flight because we was all the way in the bay so we felt everything also on the window like the window would like touch the top of my head it felt like I was in a coffin because I had the window seat coming back and I was like no switcher me I can't do this like I was like this crunched up the amount of turmoil that we went through for that trip and it was still the most memorable the most amazing trip we fit on is crazy to me we can expand on that trip one day yeah we can it was a volunteer trip because we're humanitarians and we like to get back all the shit we talked just now that we're empathetic human beings and we're community driven broadcast girls who run the hell out of the house anyway and then another proper low the sense of loneliness that I've been feeling a lot which we will expand on for this week's topic we're gonna give you a little proper guide segment on not only relating to the feeling of loneliness but how to maneuver through it and yeah stay tuned as usual I'm taking a proper hit for the proper we started with a couple hits but you know why not continue why not continue we're on the couch today we're not recording the zoom no honestly no actually no no no I'm about to go in on y'all y'all are pissing me off because it'll say 36 people viewed a post and we get five likes so you tell me you can double top tell me in the comments you tell me you can't double top real silent now huh right real your silence is deafening just know when we make it on top you will not be getting a shout out you're getting booted off we know who you want to be on top of course of course anyway get into it so let's get high you guys I had a pretty amazing weekend if you guys follow us on tiktok actually you with some snippets of that a little a lot of pics when you follow us on tiktok because if you haven't already I'm sick and tired just click the link down in the description you guys yeah so the weekend I'm just gonna do like a quick little synopsis because a lot happened my life's kind of a movie this weekend my favorite no I never had it in my vocabulary until we started this podcast what else would you say instead of that word description rundown a quick little rundown you know anyways a quick little synopsis so first I was like a nice little day rave so it was a hot estate of the week it was 18 degrees Celsius I really don't know how much that is in Fahrenheit maybe 60s yeah you had a t-shirt on grass you be looking so good oh my god girl and it was in this like rock field I don't even know how to describe it so cute it looks like Colorado like it looked like those concerts in Colorado that be in the canyons yes it did it was very Austin vibes it was desert like I was like this is Sweden like what is going on like that was in the middle of the city to look fun yeah those kids there and people were fucked up like that's weird I was gonna say that's totally my vibe though like a day vibe like that where it's like a view and like it just sounds like so much fun I would love to do something like that the music was bumping there was a lot of my friends there I was like you felt like a celebrity again everybody was around me pictures would be in taken I was like the proper podcast what's happening with Alexis we haven't heard from her is your dog so shitting yeah everybody was around me the paparazzi were there when is she let's get the cards and it was also like culture weekend something like that so the museums were so the museums were open late and they were also free I love that oh my god it looked like it was a museum I was like what where is he I love the description for the museum set drag show for architecture I was like oh now how are they going to incorporate drag queens and architecture let me see I get there and it's these three dancers dancing to this really experimental music and I was like what's this gotta do a drag experimental music where the Queen's at where's the dancing before I got in I asked the lady I was like have you seen this before is a good show say I saw them on her and it was really good I was like where's the good part when does that start girl apart did you see we need to know that people know could not analyze it don't know what the fuck was happening I was gonna say I don't think Sweden has like a Vogue scene do they we had one Vogue event that I missed because some reason but I heard it was good I'm low key on Sweden TikTok but it's only the dudes who have cooking shows on TikTok like low cooking you know the dudes that cook on TikTok you seen maybe having the knife and being like what was the one we used to have a crush on oh my god the Asian dude that was our first yeah it's hot crush milk tea poppy or whatever Oh, he was so fine. He was so fine. He was so fine. He stepped it up. He moved out the trailer and everything girl. And thank God he looked like he lived in my kindergarten classroom. He did. Shout out to him started from the bottom. Now we hear. 

Bitch. Oh, thank God. Like at least he pushed it up. Now let's congratulate him. 

Bless us to him. The museum happened and I was like, don't you want to party after this? We're like, yeah, just three of us were left at this point. Oh, hold on girl. 

Not the way you're coming up. So we go to this wave and I see that this DJ that I met in the summer is playing I was like, perfect, this bitch plays good. She might not remember me, but let's go and have fun. 

I get there. She was like, Mike, Mike. Yeah, she was like, oh my God, I love you. I was like, I love you. I love you. 

She starts playing. I was I was dancing. I was in the front. Of course, you know, everybody got to see me. You guys need to turn down Instagram because the video will be all over the place. 

We are going to use this for content. Mike was the store. I was of the show. 

I saw that there was people behind her. I was like, you know what? What's stopping me from going up there myself? So I went up there. 

I'm dancing with her. Everybody's looking at me and then I'm making friends with the crackheads back there also queens and kings back there. And one guy stopped me. He was like, you're not supposed to be up here. I was like, actually, I'm a friend of the DJ. Oh my God. 

I'm so sorry. I was like, you know, your place VIP VIP VIP VIP. They also met a psychiatrist there. Amazing. Learned her whole story. 

It's just filled with diversity. You guys, she specializes in substance abuse. So my friend was like, well, you found the right place to find your next client. 

Cause we have client number one to the stage. And then right after that, she offered me coke. I was like, okay, queen. So she abuses the substance. She's a fraud. You know, I got to thinking after I sobered up, I was like, maybe, maybe I shouldn't believe everything strangers tell me. Maybe it was a bit for her. 

She also had an ex stole her money to go to school or something. And then those people are crazy. Anytime somebody got a story to tell me the first time they meet me is like, you're insane. 

That's my new thing now. Like I'm tired of being like, oh, people are great. No, they're not. They're crazy. No, she's insane. No, at one point I had to walk away. She turned her head. I was like, I ran out. 

You missed me girl. Oh, and at one point, yeah, I had a vomit at one point. I couldn't make it to the bathroom. 

So throw up in a bag. Oh, at least it was a yo hand girl been there. Got up and I was like, okay, I'm good. 

Ran to the bathroom, threw up in the urinal, got up and then kept going. You know, we do what we want. We rally. Another club. Another club. 

Plain museum. Reports podcast. Stage backstage. Another party. 

But that's like a really quick version. There was some other things that happened. Total drama islands. 

Play. Tell us about your high girl girl. I have a few. I wrote a few down. And I don't think I need to share the ups and downs and the trials and tribulations of your past week. The trials and tribulations of a pocket. I felt like I was giving a presentation. 

Had to have a good time. This first one's kind of stupid, but I felt main character energy when I was passing a cookie shop. LeVane Bakery. 

It's like a famous New York bakery. And who here gets dressed? Well, stress felt back where you had a fight. I literally was making my way down town and I smelt the cookies and I smiled and it made me think of like a book. Like when they're like, she smelt the cookies and her stomach grumbled a little bit. I was thinking about like how Tom and Jerry, like he floats to the fucking cookies. 

Well, because my stomach started to growl and I was like, this is exactly what they describe in the books when it's the main when they're introducing the main character and her love story. You know what I'm saying? She's in a smart book. Right. I'm in my slime. 

Yeah, it's going to be off of me. Anyway, so that's just a silly goofy high. I was like, where did she go after this? Smell the amazing cookies. 

They made my tummy grumble, you guys. She lives in New York and then eventually I'm hoping I find my love of my life through the cookies. Go back there. 

Maybe you'll find some in the corner. Actually, this fine guy walked into the coffee shop. That's right next to my apartment and he was fine as hell. That's how he was my type. My type literally my original type of all types Hispanic. No, like Cheney Tatum like stuff up era. 

Oh, your first love type love. He had like a buzz cut. He still had like a beer. He was wearing like huge. He was tall as hell. 

He was maybe six to when he was big, but like not like super bulky or not. Then he he's not like I'm gonna end back in the good days. Yeah, I do know where he lives. I did follow him home. 

It was just around the corner. No one. I'm not her. I'm accusing herself of crime. 

She just confessed. I wanted to say something to him so bad because we had our episode on pickup line. He left him a letter and I was like say the pickup line. 

I've been thinking of this pickup line that I heard little Dickie say on her daddy's episode of how open are you to getting hit on right now as he opens his front door. Right. And I was thinking that while we're getting our coffee and we're both waiting and I'm looking at him and I could feel him looking at me. 

I don't know. And but then I was in my head about it and I was like, girl, you're ugly as fuck right now. Like you don't even have a cute fit on like I just made up this exclusive to not hit on him. And then he walked away and I was going to be like, excuse me, you know, it's gonna save my line, but he was so long that he was running away from me. 

So the only thing I just kept walking and I was like, oh, he lives right here. So yeah. Hopefully. How long did you walk with him for? It was like two seconds. 

Like he was right on the corner. Then you should go there often. No, I already do. It's like already part of my route and I've never seen him. So I was like, please Lord find out his route. 

I know. Like I go there every day at 10 a.m. now. Looking left and right. 

Babe, where are you? Like literally. Smelling him out. Engaged to a man. Anyway. 

I need to see what he looks like. That has nothing to do with my proper high at all. But he was kind of like brown ginger in regards to his hair color, which I love like that beard. And like, like I said, Buzz cut dress good. 

I think he probably had like air forces on or just some sort of like Q-90s on. Like he was cute. So yeah, girl. It's not like he had like abs. He probably had a dad bod. But he was so tall that it was worth it. I need to see this man girl. I'm gonna take a picture of him next time. 

Literally. I was like, Alex says you can see yourself being like we would be so cute together. I would even probably have his babies and I've always said I don't want to kiss. We would have the cutest ginger babies. It would look like Lindsay Lohan's literally. 

We would have twins and they would be part of the parent trap. Yeah. Anyway, I have a few highs. Hi. I'm gonna run through them. Okay. 

Mr. Ginger Boy had nothing to do with it. He's gonna have a name to it because I'm gonna manifest. I'm gonna see him again. And if I see him again, you guys, I am gonna say something and we're gonna pray for the best. Girl, we're gonna do that with the guy I met at the bar. 

Yeah. Oh, um, hopefully he breaks up with his man. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. 

Okay. Another high. I went to an influencer event. Another club. Another club. Another event. Oh, yes. I've been meaning to hear about this actually. 

Yes. I went to this influencer event. It's for this haircare brand called Pro. 

Rose where they customize hair care for you. So like I had to take this pretty extensive quiz. Yeah, and they asked me like about my hair, about my hair loss, about my stress levels, about my hormone levels, about what I take for hormones, anything that has to do with hair. And they customized hair oil, shampoo, dry shampoo, conditioner, gel, all for me. 

And it says maintain excess. It's so cute. And you get a candle, all that. And so we had the cutest event. We went to a hot yoga studio that I've been wanting to try. 

It's been on my list. And we had this whole Reiki healing and a full meditation where they set up like the blocks and the pillow thing for you, the blankets. And you're just sitting in a position. It was so nice. I was sitting in a position. 

I need to do this. Mike, when the Reiki healer touched me, it was like I felt healed. I was like, this is, I literally was like, like I felt good. Out of body experience. All of my auras started to open. 

It was amazing. Your chakras. Oh yeah. That's what I meant to say. Thank you. 

Yeah, my chakras. And it was so nice. And he adjusted every position for me. 

Everything was so good. And for the gifts that pros gave us, they gave us a Dagny Glover. I think that's how you say the brand. Dagny Glover, they make bags. 

Super Luxe, I've been dying for one of these bags. You need to show me this after the episode. I do. You're gonna die. It's such a good overnighter. It's like, I can't wait to have a little papito to like use this little overnighter. But I go sleep over it. Oh, it's like fashion. You're manifesting. 

No, literally. It's all coming together. It's all right. Not me making a shit up. Not me reaching. Enjoy numbers. 

Feeding my delusions. And plus all the hair care. And then we walked to their office where they set up this whole thing. 

Mike, it was gorgeous. It's all on Brooklyn in Williamsburg. What the hell? I'm jealous as hell. It was insane. Okay, let me put this out. 

I'm like so excited. What was this company again, actually? Pros, P-R-O-S-E. Pros, I need to look them up. I'm hoping that I can work with them. But I've been manifesting going to one of these influencer events where they set up the long table for like a meal with all these influencers. And it's literally on my vision board. And it's been on my vision board for three months. 

Mike, I finally got it. It was insane. I can show you. Yeah, I wanna see, I wanna see. It's, let me show you right now. It's literally been on my vision board. I'm like, that's insane. 

And I had no idea that that's what it was. It was this place called Blanta, which is all vegan. And Mike, it was amazing, like vegan sushi, but it was like so good. And I'm not the type, you know, I'm a meat eater girl. Yeah, yeah. You know? 

Barbecue. And it was so amazing. So yeah, I've been manifesting it. Finally got it. And they didn't even invite me. Like I was a plus one to a friend. Oh really? Yeah, she's a bigger influencer than me. Hopefully we have her on the pod eventually, Jaina, if you're listening. Shout out to Jaina. Yeah, I met so many sweet girls there, sweet women. 

Oh, correct yourself. And the reps for pros were so sweet and like very earthy. Oh my God. On behalf of every person that attended, they donated to this foundation that plants trees everywhere, which was so amazing. The fact that they did that on, so our name and donation to that, like per name and stuff. So it was so sweet. How long was that event? In total, like with the yoga stuff, and that was like three hours. 

Well, that's quick. That sounds like a full day thing. It does sound like a full day thing, but it was three to six and it was cute. We had like a mingling hour and they had like a full bar. 

They made me a mocktail, but they had like high-end cocktails. They were serving Cheetos. They were serving everything, girl. Yeah, the food was really good. 

The vibes, the views, it was insane. And like I've been having very much imposter syndrome. Y'all know, like if y'all been listening, I've been feeling really low on the influencer side, just questioning a little bit, just based on like brand partnerships and things like that. But everybody there, they were much bigger than me on the scale of influencers, but they were like so sweet and welcoming and I don't know, it was really nice. And apparently a bitch from Love Is Blind was there. I don't watch that show, but. 

From I think last season, not this season. So there was a celebrity there, girl. I was like. 

Okay. Slay the house down. Slay the house who? Slay the house. 

Slay the house, boots down, Houston, I'm deceased. There it is. Yes! Now that's the girl. She's like, huh. It was so nice. And like one of the girls, I was like fashion, like when you think of New York, grungy aesthetic, just like vibe. And she was like, can I sit with you guys? 

And I was like, fuck it again. He's a star. She was so sweet. She's like featured in Vogue and shit or her company is or I don't know. Oh my God, you are at a high end influencer event. High end, babe. 

High end. Everybody was so sweet and welcoming. The universe has given you a taste of what we're gonna get soon. A little taste girl because we about to pop. Wow, y'all just fucking weighed on it. And then one more thing, super, super, super quick. I got me an espresso machine. 

Oh! So excited, you grew up. Let's congratulate that girl. 

Let's go. I love it girl. I'm making Boonapetit girl. I got me the one with the steamer. 

If you guys are interested, I will link it. It was on sale when I got it. It's so good. I'm making like two coffees a day. Two? Just two girl. When I had an espresso machine girl, I was banging them bitches down. One of them is a double espresso and then I'm trying to do just three espressos. So it's one's a double and then my afternoon one is a single. That's what I'm attempting to keep so that I don't overdo it. 

Cause then my anxiety will be out the roof girl and then my warm-up is a balanced and all that. But yeah, I highly recommend like, I'm not even a coffee drinker like that, but once I started drinking espresso, girl, that's just crazy good. Girl, I used to be drinking A a day in Florida. A hot latte is so good now. Like I'm going to be drinking these hot latte and the way I drink it in two seconds, like you're not even just sipping on it. Like, could it be tasting good as hell? 

That's why you can't stop. It's like, and they come out at the perfect temperature. It's not like you got to wait. Like sometimes it'd be a little hot if you drink it too quick, but like, that's it. It's just, oh, girl. And then the summer you've been making ice lattes with it. 

Oh, yes. It's cause I got some iced ones. Like the, I think they're called leguero pods and they're double espresso iced pods. 

They're like meant to be poured over ice and it's supposed to taste like Starbucks. I'm so excited. And Kylie came over this weekend, which is a high and she literally was making herself like three a day. She was like, I literally hate my coffee now. Like, what am I going to do? 

It's that good. You guys get into it. Shop in my description. Oh, Amazon storefront. 

Yup. It'll be for you. It'll be for you right there. 

Highly recommend also if you have a balcony, set it up with like breakfast brunch. It just feels so good. Me and Kylie did that. And like, I'm so blessed. I have very nice views. And I bought like a little umbrella and everything. And we had the Nespresso. I made us a little spread with croissants and bacon and eggs and hash browns, girl. 

It was picnic on the balcony. It was so cute. I was like, I'm doing this every Saturday. It was better than brunch. I'm gonna call it that. Better than brunch Saturdays. You just made them in my mouth says. So. 

Rick. Let me flip the script on it. Let me give you guys a recommendation of a movie, not to watch. 

Oh, I actually, I should have wrote my doubt because there was a movie that I started and I was like, this is shit. I'm turning this shit off. I was scrolling through HBO. 

I was like, there's gotta be something good that they just put on here. So I come across this movie called Italian Studies. Now, it's about this woman that loses her memory in New York City. She doesn't remember who she is. She doesn't know anything about herself. 

Terrible. I'd be into it if I started it, yeah. Yeah, it was so mysterious at the beginning. And then it kept going. 

with like I don't know what the fuck is happening and it feels like I'm just watching a series of images just put together for no reason and I finished it and I was like wow that was a waste of like an hour and a half so don't watch this movie so don't watch that if you study stare clear this is an alert yeah exclusive but you got an upright actually don't but I watched which is good because we drive on the highs and lows but I did watch bodies bodies bodies loved your description of it was perfect last so cringy it's good it was so cringy so good Pete Davidson was in it loved the comedian girl that was very Gen Z yeah I think you did it you did do that yeah she just agreed with everybody your upper middle class for if you want like a cringy thriller or if you're hungover and have nothing to watch put that on so moving on I've been wanting to tell you about this movie it's called close it's from 2022 and it was actually a nominee for the best international movie at the Oscars but it didn't win is it English no it's from Belgium so it's in French and Dutch in some parts it's because awesome powers gold member he's supposed to be Dutch and he's like Austin powers faja girl you're the one person I know that has seen that movie so many times I love Austin powers so much it's niche and I understand that let me know in the comments if you're part of this niche cult of loving Mike Myers and anything he does aka Austin powers and Katnag leave your comments in a five-star review you guys so this moves about on two 13 year old boys that are childhood best friends and they grew up like super close and then they start high school and then one of them starts to get bullied for being gay and then you see how the dynamic changes between them super powerful I could see myself girl I felt myself in this movie in so many scenes and like so many different scenarios like relationships I've had like as an adult also and also as a child because you have a lot of straight male friends so yeah it's like you connected to it exactly and but you know how I feel about girl you need to give it up give up that I think it's just your anxiety it is it's like I can't read fast enough yeah because I'm a little dyslexic and so it just like no but even I can do it my time okay because like when I'm watching a documentary and I'm high I can't read the documents but subtitles is fine cuz not too much let it go and like that but yeah like you said I literally spent an hour crying like 45 minutes in boom could not stop the acting was so good to like there's no be friends at the end don't tell me I'm not telling you cuz it's so you have to just watch it but like you can tell the actors are portraying so many emotions in one scene like there was one part when a lady had to like she felt pity for somebody but also like angry at them and you can feel it and her acting you know so I was super high watching this let me let me give you a little context no but I love that because like I was saying about beef earlier not with you guys but with just me and Mike I just got obsessed with knowing the writing and the development of it and like what it's like to get into character and understanding your character before filming and really grasp on that and like imagine like your end you are literally becoming someone else for what three months of filming or however much it could be it's like that's insane it's so cool I love that and you can do that in front of people in front of a whole team of people and then you know that millions of people are gonna watch it and that million it's gonna like sit with a lot of people and people are gonna be interpreting it and seeing like people don't even know it's you because you're a character and they think you are that character that's why one of the actors from Game of Thrones quit because he was getting so much hate because people assumed he was like the character right that's it and like getting into like method actors and like people like that like method actors are insane like they're crazy I don't really fuck with them like that imagine acting in a movie you go to the premiere and you're like this shit sucked I'm actually really excited to like start to go to movie I feel like that's gonna be part of like my destiny a little bit well yeah it has to be because we're gonna be like promoting like shows we're gonna be in movies no we'll definitely have a reality show you guys don't even worry about that that's definitely coming oh no I'm gonna have mine keeping up with the proper keeping up with the proper horse proper keeping up proper keep properly keep properly keeping up proper clean up we clean what's the actor that did the one with Elvis apparently he can't get out of character after the movie he'd be talking like this now yeah he definitely either I have no interest in him I also heard he's a bitch he had Vanessa hutchins what happened apparently she was a you need to play Elvis and she was the one who put that in his head and I think I don't know if she connected his agent with it or whatever but basically gave him that opportunity to cast for it and then he got the show and then he broke up with her and then he acted and then he was like when they were like what made you like cast for he was like a friend of mine when they were like in a relationship did she say this God I don't know where I heard this from you know I'll be getting my tea everywhere I've had an article somewhere I saw a podcast because I listened to pop culture podcast too so maybe I read about it too I think I saw a tiktok about it now that I'm thinking about it yeah I saw it them interact and he ignored her he had her fucked up or apparently he's like a cycle path so he's kind of fine but but yeah shadow so when we have our actual for real it's like a bit of ours to have sponsors but words that ass hoping and praying that we get HBO 824 whoever something within film movie production as a sponsor so that we can get the first look at things get to like I want to get a cameo literally we're gonna get to interview them we're gonna be in euphoria season 3 they request thing you as cat cats that girl right yeah they finna yeah everybody in my tiktok comments are like cat cat vibes cat euphoria vibes I'm like play the house literally they're like cat euphoria vibes and like just because you see a big girl twerking don't mean you got the same haircut and glasses that is true I forgot it's a compliment I love cat I mean obviously like I really want to be dummy but anyways let's go what's up big now who here gets lonely wow me oh girl moving into this apartment is when I was like oh my god I'm a little bit lonely oh when was the first time you felt loneliness that you can remember when I first moved to Sweden really that was the first time you felt it well the first time I can remember recently I felt lonely my whole life honestly just cuz of trauma and stuff that shit happens yeah I know it's like it'd be like that for people who the girls like that anyway so recently I've been feeling it's like weird with loneliness it's like I've been feeling a few different things like a few situations happen not to bring up the knowledge thing again but that was really hard to deal with by myself and then like it was like a pile up of people dismissing themselves for my life not like super important people just people in general and like I'm just a sensitive person and then you know I live alone which I really do enjoy there's something within my growth that I'm starting to feel or realize or understand the purpose of having a partner and the purpose of why people crave relationships and that's something I've never really understood I'm like why would you want to be unhappy because I'm so used to seeing relationships be unhappy and oh I never had that outlook yeah yeah now I'm like I see it now like I see the reason of why somebody would want to share their life with somebody and would want to have that connection and I keep getting these realizations really heavily on wanting partnership not to the point where I'm like I want to get married I want to have children like I've never been that one like I've never been that girl to think about how she's going to get engaged or think about her ring or think about children nothing like that so for me to even feel like I understand the purpose of it all is kind of big I mean I'm I'm like I think it's just nice to have somebody that's right next to you supporting you and everything you do like somebody you can always trust yeah playing off of what we said last week talking about unconditional love that's what I'm starting to see of like it is possible to have somebody still love you like when you're at your worst and not judge you which is something that's gross no right and it's like and I'm capable of also loving somebody when they can be at their worst because I love them as a human not this part of them like I love that he's in film like no it's not going to be that it's going to be like I love this person and I for some reason I was engrasping that concept but factoring it back into loneliness it's just that combination of you know feeling alone how have you been feeling lonely lately lately it's just like just wake up and there's nobody there because I'm an extrovert it's so yeah hard for me to push myself to do anything when there's nobody around right so there it's like so much easier to lay in bed it becomes more lonely because I don't want to leave and I have nothing to push me to leave but it's so different from the loneliness I've felt before because I've never lived alone right this is the first time but like reasons before was like when I first moved here that loneliness was like I have nobody in this whole country that I feel like I can be myself around and it's so isolating yeah I know I definitely feel that here um but I think I feel that in life I would say no because you can be yourself around other people like with you guys like with you guys you guys keep me young um I'm trying to think of who I can be I don't know I guess girl you're not yourself with me we haven't been in the same room in a really long time so I'm like I don't know if I would feel like I need to entertain you if we're in the same room because that is what I feel when I'm with people that I have to entertain them like if somebody's visiting your place like if you feel like you have to entertain them I feel like I have to entertain them be off of my phone okay yeah I know which is like it's not a bad it's just I don't know if it has to do with me being introvert or what but like when people are over I do get a little exhausted because I feel like I shouldn't be on my phone and I want to spend my time with them because a love language of mine is spending time with somebody but then I'm also like a people please are not want to make sure they're having a good time and like if they're silent I feel like sometimes I have to feel that silence yeah so which maybe that is just me I don't know if there's ever gonna be somebody that I feel like I don't have to fill the silence with I hope so honestly because then I would feel less exhausted there definitely is yeah I think you just will find that when you find it yeah and I and I feel more positive about that too I feel like there is somebody out there that is gonna be that your night in shining armor oh my god I don't need to be saved I do not need to be saved I don't want to be like oh my god that's literally you and wait and fall somebody to calm or save me free oh yeah so how do you maneuver through the feeling of loneliness now I like push myself to leave the house more and like interact with people that I usually would say no to so I can feel more close to people okay and like make those connections where I feel comfortable you seek connections see I do look quite the opposite to counteract your loneliness I remind myself that my company is enough and I remind myself that this feeling of loneliness isn't forever and I remind myself that my door is open for not someone to fill that gap of loneliness I don't think and I it's also the reminder that like there's not one person that's ever gonna fill up you could be in a room filled with people and feel lonely you know I've felt there could be 100 people in a room but I've felt the loneliness when I'm around people I when I'm around family whenever I'm around people that I know so oh I felt that loneliness in Bulgaria when I went right so lonely when you don't feel like you mix with the culture you're supposed to connect with right oh feeling really disconnected to your roots is is a definitely a sense of loneliness it's um weird feeling because we've we title loneliness as feeling unwanted which it's it's not that like the feeling of loneliness is more about feeling misunderstood which that's also with us taking things personal too so it's kind of like the sense of loneliness we can overcome and it's not overcoming it through some particular person but within yourself in that exact moment yeah see you had a way better way of coping with the than me I find my value in others which maybe it's because I'm an introvert it's probably because I'm close to the healing than you are more advanced than the healing I'm an AP I'm an AP healing you graduated early the valedictorian of healing I see you guys I went to healing university girl yeah because I like living alone that's a thing and so and for me being alone is a protection thing as well because I can't hurt myself as much as other people have hurt me in the past type thing so I feel the safest being alone but again being alone and being low and feeling lonely are completely separate things oh my god I just realized I also isolate because I want people to show me that they care about me by like texting you or something you're dramatic yeah i think it's toxic Mike is so toxic style the juvenile the whole night I do what I must to survive I do what I must like for me like out when I'm feeling lonely I'll call people but then that adds to the loneliness because then it's that that domino effect of like that moment where nobody picks up the phone and everybody's busy or that weekend where everybody has plans and you're and you're open and you're when I like hang out with people no one's available that's what's happening to me and that's when I really have to remember like your own company is enough like and I have to remind myself that I am enough because then you feel that whole sense of unwunting and unworthiness and that's what I want to avoid when I feel lonely because like it's okay to feel lonely like I wish I had somebody right here in this moment for sure but I'm not even to the point of being able to imagine what that somebody would feel like does that make sense like I don't even know what that would look like or feel like so I'll get to that eventually I can't wait for you to find like a partner that you really feel comfortable with I know it's gonna kind of be insane like and I hope that comes for me at the same time because No, yeah, we didn't serve it. I mean, we all do. I think we all do. But to cut that part out, I sound desperate. Loneliness. It's definitely tied to addiction. How do you think that relates to you and your situations with loneliness? 

When I first moved here, when I was like feeling super lonely, like I would definitely turn to alcohol because that would make me feel so much better. Yeah. Like either going out and drinking or like even staying home and drinking sometimes and like watching a movie. Yeah, you would do that. You would call me drunk as hell at home. I remember that. That was actually kind of a fun era. I look at how drunk every fucking weekend. 

At least like three times a week. Yeah, it was bad. But you were also studying. I mean, that was a lot of stress. No, I wasn't. 

That was like super easy times. Yeah, honestly. I was trying to help you out. 

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I definitely cope with weed. But I cope with all of my negative feelings with weed. Like if I have a bad day, I'm going to be smoking. 

But I definitely cope with it a little bit more. What about on a good day? I'm smoking. You know, I'm smoking regardless. 

Good day, bad day is always here. It's a habit, babe. I'm smoking regardless. 

No bitch, me too. But other things that I could possibly be addicted to. What about social media? 

I definitely turned to it when I'm bored. I would even consider Tinder social media. Yeah, it's social. When I'm lonely, boof. Tinder, Tinder, Tinder. 

That's why I deleted the apps. It's all connected to this journey I'm on. With connecting with humans on a very vulnerable level. 

Yeah, I would definitely cope with swiping. But then I wouldn't want to have conversations with them anyway. So I was like, ew, I fucking hate you. Yeah, so I would be in this like, rut where I was like, ew, I don't even like y'all. I'm like that right now, yeah. Like I match with them and then they say hi and I'm like, mm-hmm. 

So I don't even know what I'm doing. That's why I deleted it because it's also a challenge for me to approach them because that's negative talk. But I'm going to be single forever if I don't fucking put myself out there type shit. But I also like, I want to feel empowered by being able to get to a vulnerable level of putting myself in a place of rejection being a possibility because that's a level of vulnerability that I don't do when it comes to men. Like I do that with situations of like, moving to New York, becoming an influencer. 

Like the feeling of rejection I work with every day with the fucking algorithm. But when it comes to placing that with men, I've never done. So I want to be able to do that with hitting on that. 

Oh my god, I need to follow you on that journey. I started doing it also. I need to start, like, I don't want to look at a hot person and then they just pass by me and I don't look. I want to like, sometimes say something. Why am I missing out? I don't want to be a pussy. I've been rewatching Thicks in the City and I'm like, the way these hoes just approach men like, all the time, I'm just like, what am I afraid of? 

Seriously? What could happen? What could happen? Nothing. I just had some scary thoughts, but nothing. 

I just had a few, yeah, not a few scary thoughts. I could name a few for me if we keep it a bug. Let's not. But let's not keep it a bug today. 

But also with social media, I will scroll on regular social and then I'll start comparing myself like, oh, I want her life, oh, her and her boyfriend are so cute. Oh my god, they just got a house. Oh my god, she's pregnant. 

Oh my god, I hate that. She just bought a Louis bag. Oh my god, she just went on a trip with all of her cool friends. Oh my god, her friend group looks like this. Like the whole fucking thing. 

No, no, no. We start to put this level of like, what relationship should look like, what friend group should look like, what friendship should look like. That's the danger of social media. We're going to get to a point where it's going to get taken away, I feel. I don't think so. Something's going to happen. I think humans will evolve into realizing that it's just another form of communication and we can just stop putting so many like, bases on it. 

Because it's just advertising, communication, all of that in one realm. It's going to move to like, contact lenses. We're going to be scrolling while looking at the Black Mirror episode. Oh my god. No, literally, that's going to happen. 

I can see it and we're going to have ads in that shit too. You're going to be like, I think with you, you kind of get addicted to people and situation gyps. Oh, I do. And you cope with that when you're lonely, like when you're lonely, you go back to like toxic traits that you're addicted to without realizing. I get obsessive with people. 

Is it love interest? I guess, yeah. I mean, you love them. Yeah, well like, when I was dating both of my exes, I was super, super obsessed. Nothing mattered except for that because I need to go to therapy, bitch. 

I'm starting to realize a little too many toxic traits about myself, that I value people over myself. Yeah, you do. I've told you that all the time. I know, but I need to... I know, you need somebody to tell you. You need a professional. 

You need a professional to tell you that. Because it's true, it's like, that's what I always try to say. Like, if we continue thinking that somebody or something is going to fulfill one of our desires, it's like, you have to fulfill it first before somebody can fulfill it for you. 

Yeah. You have to make yourself happy unless only before somebody can do it for you. How do we get there? You guys, get a journal. A journal for now until you can fucking afford therapy. You know, a bitch is crazy if she got a journal. 

And continue listening to this podcast. As a form of therapy. As a therapy, yeah. It is the proper hour of therapy. 

Honestly, I'm starting to do it. We are not licensed therapists. At the same time, I'm saying a whole lie. You're saying a disclaimer. I'm saying a whole lie. Oh, you guys, we had a meeting with the trademark lawyer today. 

You guys. And he sounded so fine on the X's burst in my bubble by saying he's not fine. Because his picture is online. I mean, we love him. 

I was on the phone, he was like, he sounded so sexy and knowledgeable. The fact that we're saying we're going to hire a lawyer is kind of insane. We're really about to be up here. Exactly, so don't fuck with us, bitch. Because we got a lawyer. Yeah, we're now here. We're about to be fucking brazy. Watch your trademarks, we'll take them. Hadja kids, hadja wives. 

You can cancel other people's trademarks. Get ready, y'all. But don't get any ideas because you can't afford it to make it to happen. We will not afford to be. We want to let you know that, actually. 

Yeah, try to get us rejected, see what happens. That minimum wage job. Right. 

Okay, sit down, Sally. So I guess the biggest takeaway is to remember that loneliness doesn't mean you're unwanted. It happens to everybody also. 

Every single... The thing is, and that's another thing I'm realizing, before I moved to New York, I had a couple people who had lived here for a while and they would always tell me, New York is the most populated place, but you will feel the loneliness. You will be surrounded by so many people, but you'll feel lonely. And I never understood that. And yesterday, I literally had that moment, I went into the city to get chick-fil-a, because I've been wanting chick-fil-a. And I've been feeling lonely. But I was around so many people, hyper-stimulated to the max. But I was like, I know none of these people... 

It feels like everybody's paired up, but you... Oh my god, literally. I was sitting in front of my favorite library, the Morgan Library. And I saw this couple, and like I said, I'm feeling super fucking emotional. I saw this couple, it was late night, so there was not really many people around, and I was quiet. And this couple was just dancing around, taking a picture the way I teared up. I was like... Oh girl, I'm feeling it. 

I can see them actually. And it wasn't like, I didn't feel like hate or anything. Like, I want that. It was more of like, that's so beautiful, like that's crazy. Like people love each other, like... That's just like crazy that like, somebody could love somebody like that. Girl, I saw an old man carrying his wife's purse the other day, and I was like, where's my man? 

Like, where is he? I'm sorry. It was so beautiful to look at. They look so happy. It's so old. 

It's crazy. Just like who's gonna love me like a love song You Like a love song Watch your business. Let me complain. No Remember what episode was it where I was talking about what I write in my journal like I literally was telling my I was talking to Myself the way I would want my partner to talk to me. Oh Yeah, I'm gonna start doing that like complimenting me like just like I love you I love you You you are beautiful you you you But yeah, you're not unwanted you're not a lonely bitch You are literally another human being in this world that the person next to you feels lonely as well People are in marriages for 20 years and feel lonely people are like living in a commune feeling lonely Oh, people are in their family feeling lonely So it's like it doesn't matter how it doesn't matter the people it's the mindset and it's it's remembering that you are worthy of Being wanted and you are worthy of the love that you desire for yourself like no cap Like there's no jokes here like seriously be serious be beef You're love sister like you fucking and we're here for you We're here at work. We're you fucking look in the mirror You shake that ass and you smack it and you say you go girl you go girl. 

Come on. Come on You got this Unfortunately loneliness is something that we're gonna feel forever, but also remembering situations Don't last forever and feelings don't last forever feelings aren't reality cuz in reality we make Yeah, we make it up in our like we make the feelings up you made yourself lonely You made yourself stupid. Take a look in the mirror. 

Take a look in the mirror right now. It's you eat on your big old monkey Squeeze me I Let's you know another way to make each Oh So yeah, you're not a lonely bitch you're not alone we love you oh so much this was your quick proper guide to loneliness and Just reference it whenever you feel alone cuz we're here for you and you can let in your research paper like Dm mic Dm us at the proper podcast on Instagram whenever you are failing only and we will make you feel less only because That's what we're here to do. We're a community driven What's so funny? It's just like we make it seem like it like it's a bit, but it's literally in our business plan This is a commune we're starting the commune bitch. No, we're starting the coal like be ready where you're probably I've been actually envisioning it Say we won't bitch. I'm finna we finna have the horses the cattle I was on the sleep last night. I was like, oh my god the commune literally in my head That's why I made I sent you that tick tock. We were oh, I have to watch it We're relying on that. Yeah, cuz feeding off the loneliness. 

We're gonna have our commune. Yeah, I've experienced with chickens So girl. Yeah, I grew up on like a pork farm. I rode bulls my whole life I know how to euthanize an animal I Fished a shark before bitch. Yeah shot. No, I'm just saying I wrote a dinosaur Anyways, so as always you can find all of the details here in our description If you're interested in reading our episodes, we are also transcribing them for you Oh, we do we do we do and you can find us on Instagram at the proper podcast along with tiktok at proper podcast Along with following me personally at thank you Lex On tiktok and Instagram along with following Mike at Mike candle on Instagram again with the descriptions. 

We also do have a lot of promo codes There's some for under things like bras panties Loungewear with third love and Harper wild where you can get 15 % off on each of those websites along with birthday Kate birth date candle Super fun Yeah, because summer has is filled with birthdays as you know So you can gift them with 10 % off using my code linked in the description along with a jot coffee and a few others so Quick plug Quick enough that was fast as hell. You sound like a robot I like that I'm the one who does the closing Did you remember? What you memorize all that for the most part? 

Yeah, I'm not reading off of anything. Oh, that's crazy I just I've been seeing it all every episode. I'm like I need to continue like we have to be an actor I'm telling you we're gonna be an 824 movie Yeah Yeah, I have I want to get used to like always self-promoting because that's just the way to go like why not self-promote at all times I don't care people already think I'm a narcissist. So what can you do people use business cards still? Sometimes we're not really more like QR codes You know in Japan they use a lot of them business cards. It's like everybody has a business card like every person Yeah, like a person like what? 

Comment it's common. No, not like yeah, but like they carry on business cards like when you meet somebody you say like Oh, here's my business card and it has like your email your contact. That's kind of a lot What if you like change numbers and shit then you have to print all those fucking things out again? Yeah I've never been to Japan that's why I like QR codes because it's digital and then you're able to make any updates to it If you want it. Oh my god, you know when QR codes first came out I was like this shit is not gonna take off and then it fell and then now it came back Well with my clothing brand I had I put QR codes on the tags, but I also made them business cards So they were hybrid. 

Yeah, so like that's smart. It was quick cuz there's so much info now It's like all of your social handles plus email plus website plus phone number plus address You know depending on the person or brands. I was like QR code that shit bitch in the states Can you find people's address just from their name? I think you have to pay for it, but yeah here you don't have to pay for it. Everything's public record. It's insane Yeah, anyway, so yeah, not as fucking dragging the outro on as Usual like it is not a proper episode unless we drag and it should on we just stop talking to you guys so much I think we should do two episodes a week Mike's like absolutely not But if you are interested in Mike will do it at a small cost to you It's so worth it. You can find that linked in the description as well. You can hit me up Yeah, then you can get my phone number Right, and then you can like Yeah, you can like ask for a nude and he'll also do that first malphe Yep Direct you to the correct wing That note you guys Yeah