Episode 6: Morning Pooper, A Midday Masturbate, and How We Manage Depression

Hey guys, welcome back to the Off Duty podcast. I'm your host Alexis. 

And your co-host Mike. Hey y'all, what's going on? Bonjour!

Bonjour you guys. Happy Wednesday! Who's excited? 

How's everybody doing? My question every single time. 

Every time. And I do the same. I'm like, how are you guys? No seriously, we want to know how you guys are doing because we're gonna like unload on you guys on how we're doing. 

Speaking of unloading you guys, bear with me. I've been having a stressful ass week. So if I'm not feeling up to par with my talking, you know why. But I mean I always sound robotic. 

Yeah I was like, you're gonna sound great. Don't even warn them. 

Are you kidding? No, just gonna sound great. You're gonna sound the same. 

I am a robot. 

That's on depression. Anyways, let's jump right, Seasonal. Seasonal. Chronic for me, diagnosed anything. 

Let's jump right into our low of the week. 

Absolutely. The lows first. 

The lows first always. It's just better that way. For everybody. Yeah honestly. 

One time we tried starting with the high we were like, let's interchange it. And then we ended with the low and we were like, we feel like shit. It just didn't sound right. 

Absolutely not. The tone was set and it wasn't a good tone. 

It wasn't a good tone girl. Anyway, you want me to start? 

No, let me go with it. 

Go ahead girl. She said let me be first. 

So as you guys know, last weekend I went to a rave, you know. The party was going, it was going lit, it was going crazy. And that's when the, what is it called? Once you get a high, you know there's always a low. And the low hits you. 

The come down girl. The come down. 

I came down that hill. I tripped on the hill. I'll tell you that much. 

Right. 

I had the worst come down on my, not my life. 

Now I was going to say, I've heard you worse. 

The worst come down I've had in a while. Yeah. 

Yeah. 

Uncontrollable crying. Just, oh my God. I'm still dealing with it. Like I have this pit in my stomach at all times right now. 

And I just want to remind you that it's okay girl. It's okay to have that pit in your stomach. She'll be coming. She'll be going. 

That's it. But now that I had this come down, it's making me realize what I need to fix in my life, which always happens every time. 

But I would say you got to replace that verb. I just had therapy yesterday. So I'm on a roll instead of saying I have to fix my life. Say I want to improve my life. 

You're not fixing that. You're just improving it. There's nothing to fix. There's nothing wrong. 

I'm not a fixer. 

Shut the fuck up. 

I'm a robot bitch. You got to upgrade me. We make it from the patients. 

That's it. Let me upgrade you. Let me upgrade you. 

Kiss me through the phone. Kiss me through the phone. A completely different song.

 I know. 

She went from Beyonce to Soja Boy real quick. 

My AI software is acting up. 

I was about to talk about Megan. We left Megan because she started to bo-

 This is week three. 

I want to bring that bitch up. She's on my mind. 

She was really a good third for this podcast. I'm going to be honest. 

She's our first guest. We're so excited. We've been talking about guests. 

We've just been brainstorming and planning for the future. We're so excited to have guests on here, you guys. So let us know if you ever have a preference on who because we'll reach out. We can be bold. We can reach out. 

Oh, yeah. 

We've been doing a lot of research on finding guests and there's actually a bunch of resources that you can go online. There's like a Tinder. 

There's literally a Tinder for connecting us with guests. 

So yeah, if you have a topic that you want to see us discuss, then hit us up. Let us know in the DMs. Our DMs are always open for everything. Any ideas or suggestions. 

They're open for nudes. They're open for stories. They're open for recommendations. 

You're thinking outside the box. I'm about to start hitting people up on my off-duty podcast and be like, hey guys, we need some nudes for the pod. 

No, honestly, like if you just got your nipples pierced and you want to show the world, but then you don't want to show the world. Show us. We won't show anybody. 

Actually, any ODBs have their penis pierced. I would like to hear what that's like. 

Yeah, we want to, you know, it's actually, was I telling you about this in Cuba? It's a tradition for the men to put pearls in their penis surgically. 

I can't believe this is real. 

It's real life. Like Cubans are just literal freaks. 

This is some pirates of the Caribbean type shit. 

We are some pirates, girls in our communism. 

Come on, communist pirate. 

Let me make it fun in my country. We just plan. I'm allowed to do that. Nobody else. 

I'm Cuban in spirit. 

Yeah. I said that last week. 

Oh, we channeled your Cubanita. 

Did you read it? 

But that was two weeks ago. 

Technically, you're so right. Thanks for keeping me on the timeline. You guys, my love. 

Actually, three weeks ago. 

Can you shut up? My man. 

Yeah. They already got me to work. My low is that I mean, quite similar. 

I've been feeling really scared, which leads me to feel really insecure about the future. And it's like a chain, right? It causes me to then not live in the moment and to feel ungrounded and then to feel like everything's in chaos and then I'm overwhelmed and then all I want to do is be alone, be stuck in a hole. And then it's like, I'm putting myself there. You know what I mean? 

Oh my God. Why do we connect so much? I feel like we move in phases. Like one week is real good. Right. Next week is terrible. Like why? Why can't I just have a good month and then a bad day? 

It's because we're still in our 20s. 

That's when Melinda said. 

The show I'm watching now actually talks about that. Yeah. Girls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 

Melinda was telling me she's like in her 40s, but she's young and hip and she was just like, yeah, like your 20s are literally kind of the worst and it kind of leads into your 30s. But like your 20s, all you're doing is trying to figure everything out and you want to rush through it. My low kind of always stems from my feelings around money and my my financial scarcity mindset that I grew up with that I'm trying to rewire in my brain, which takes a lot. Like for 25 years, all I know was money being scarce or scarce. 

Sorry, you guys, if I say that wrong. 

No excuse. 

No excuse. You dumb, bilingual bitch. 

No. Yeah. So, you know, I'm used to things being taken away from me, tangible items. Like, but you know, I grew up first generation Cuban and not the Cubans that like ran shit, like the Cubans that didn't run shit. 

So yeah, it's just like, it's insane how much of a cycle it is. And what I discovered yesterday is that if I need to just like get a little side gig and get a job for the time being just to like stabilize my mind, then that's what I'm going to have to do or whatever the case may be. But basically Melinda was like, give everything a chance with parameters. So like I'm overwhelmed with how many ways I can make money, whether it's like getting Yes. Thank you. That's for me. Well, 

Hu stands out for him. Right. Um, with polyangle favorites, he looks like he's put on favorite shows. a little receptionist role, or to pursue notion digital for like passive income, or to get a work from home job with my corporate background, or to start looking for a job in my social media background, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, give everything a perimeter. 

Like we put so much pressure on ourselves thinking that trying something for a week. 

But what's like a, what's a perimeter? 

So like trying something for a week, rather. Like instead of trying everything I want and getting so overwhelmed and not giving it your all, give one thing my all. And it's not just one because I would still be influencing and podcasting, but like give notion digital. So try for a week. See if 

you like it. See how you feel. Try looking for a job just for a week. 

I just saw a TikTok that said 

that Gen Z people quit jobs cause they don't think the vibes are good.

 Me. No, I feel like we are literally Gen Z, although we old as hell. Oh no, I'm Gen Z girl. They're at heart, I'm 23. But yeah, so if you're feeling like 

this, you're not alone. And I really hope I get to a point that when money is coming in all the time, I'm able to actually enjoy it rather than living in my head. Cause you know, it's like, you can change your circumstances. You can change everything. I'm the epitome of that. Like I moved states, I changed careers. 

Like I changed everything and I can still go back to that comfort of anxiety. And just because it's comfortable, doesn't mean you should feel it and you should let it in. Yup, yup, yup. 

Anxiety is also a comfortable feeling for 

you guys that don't know, even if you feel like shit, anxiety is a comfortable feeling. And you will go back to it cause your body knows it's comfortable. Exactly, until you do the work to untrain that. Change it. This is a vibes episode 

you guys. We're gonna try to make you all laugh, but like sometimes we gotta get serious. For real. Let's start it with a serious note, we'll get silly. Let's get silly and goofy really quick. Like, eh. 

So my high, I guess 

it was like too high. It's like the rave was definitely a high because you know I was a little bit, I was on high. 

She was high. But this rave was, to be honest, 

it wasn't like the best rave, but I went in with a mindset that I really wanna rave and I wanna have a good time with my friends. So I went in, I partied, I danced, I talked to so many people, even though so many weirdos, girl. 

Really? Like define weirdo. 

There was this one lady that was like trying to FaceTime this guy in front of her and then she was like FaceTiming, but also like taking videos and she was taking videos of me and I was so gone at this point that I didn't know if this was normal. 

No, don't be recorded me unsolicited.

 I had one eye looking at her, 

one eye looking to the left. She was broth-backing. I was looking like a completely. And then she was recording my friends 

dancing, we was all like, lady. 

Ah, kick that phone out her fucking hand beach. Don't be recording me. The phone in my face type shit and it was so weird, but. I told you one time I was at like a DJ collective and it's just like a low key rave with more like the music that I like. So it was like, you know, more urban, I suppose. And this lady came up to us. 

I was like, can I take a picture of y'all? And I was like, for what? And Kylie was like, yeah. And I was like, girl, no, for what? I'm just like Kylie. And they were like, yeah, take the photo of me. And we was a bit suited, but like, you know, I'm a bruja and I believe in all that black magic. Like I've actually, maybe we could talk about it one day, but I've had Bruja and Black Magic put on to me by. Yeah, that's a crazy story. It's crazy. 

Like I was literally pushed down to break my foot and I was dragged out of my car. Like we'll talk about it one day, maybe if you guys want to hear, but I had a spell put on me from Cuba. It was scary. So I am so like, don't fuck 

with me. So I was like, for what? And she was like, just cause I was like, no. I literally looked at her. 

Respectfully, no beach. 

I didn't even say 

respectfully, like, no. I was like, if she was like, you know, the social media representative of the fucking DJ collective, maybe, but she was a random ass bitch. Want to take a picture of her, of us, take our youth from us. You know how many things you could do with the photo? Spiritually? Too much.

 That's why I went through so many things. Cause I used to have my photo taken a lot. Like me and Hago used to be on the streets and people would ask us for a photo. Oh yeah. Used to just take pictures 

with it. 

I remember that. 

Yeah. I think we were twins and then 

they liked the way we dressed. So they would just ask us for photos. But maybe, maybe somebody did something with me. With my photo. Maybe somebody came on it. 

That's what I'm saying. Cause the way you can just do 

something as simple as being like, oh, I want what she has or like, oh, I'm jealous of her or whatever, that's like negative energy that people can put on you, even if they don't mean it. So imagine if they got a photo with you and their intent is to mean it, you know, like that's a powerful girl. I gotta hear. 

Anyway, never know. And then I had another little high 

where my friends just came over and like I was saying, like Monday to now it's been like super shitty. And then I just feel like they really rebalanced me cause I've been just sitting at home for the past week. Like I've been doing my shit. If you got to take yourself to 

a coffee shop, it's hard when it's snowing all the time.

 And that's on you for moving to fucking Stockholm, Sweden. Girl, another thing that came from this meeting is my time in Sweden is basically couple. But even though like we are done, 

but that's for another podcast when I figure things out a little bit more. But let's move on to your habit. 

Cause you know, yeah, let's move the fuck. What I kind of have to, they're kind of like associated with each other, but this morning I, I was like, you know, who like every time I, so how do I explain that? So like, I since, hmm, let me point it and thought, no, let me pull on the, um, basically like, she took a gander. I'm an introvert. And so the combination of the pandemic along with, since I don't have a car and stuff, like it's hard for me to like want to leave the house. And so when I do, I always plan it around work, like, oh, let me go work from a coffee shop and that's a way for me to leave the house. Or like it's an event, which is still work cause I have to create content. But today I was like, you know 

what? I'm going to go and I'm not going to take my laptop. I'm not going to take my iPad. I'm going to take my journal and my Kindle and I'm going to journal and I'm going to read and I'm going to drink an oat milk cappuccino. And that's exactly what I did. You know, so proud of myself, although I had the urge to like answer emails, answer you back, which I kind of did. 

So you went to a coffee shop first thing in the morning. First thing in the morning just to go. Girl. 

I know. That's motivation. I know. 

The first thing I do in the morning is shit. 

Oh, gosh. Yeah. That's so proud. I 

have to. And after the coffee, after the coffee, I know you she said. No, I couldn't. No, I couldn't because 

they only have one bathroom. But when I got home, when I said I'm getting ready, that means I'm shiting and then I'm getting. Shorty, farty. A lot of people. A lot of 

people. A lot of people should be scared right now. A lot of people. So I went to my favorite spot. 

I went all the way to Brooklyn, which since I'm on the Cusp, it's only like two stops away. So it was lit. And I journaled, and I literally journaled 

like three And normally like I get distracted I stop myself. I'm like, oh, I'm done Girl, she wrote a novel people would have thought I was a writer Shona I am reading again because I love reading smut and like rom-com type Like the nonchalantness to it all I just love reading a nice good smut I just like don't know what else to read besides self-help and smut like 

That's it. That's what you like. That's what you like and I read myself help while I'm shitting 

Don't explain themselves exactly shake them off stiff well 

So yeah, my second high leads into that which is that I'm reading again if you guys are interested in the book It's actually the third one from the sequel of when that guy read smut to me That was the first one which was a not so meet cute the second one I can't remember what it's called, but I read it and it was good and now I'm reading the third one 

I'm writing that down because I keep every time you mention not Not so meet cute. I always write it down and I never read it like this is I think the fifth time

 No, I know you always write it down I could send you the link I'm just scared you won't like it because you don't like rom-coms and it's very much like a rom-com like it starts very like quirky and funny and like She doesn't like him and he kind of hates her, but then they fall in love. It's just like I love shit like that 

I don't know I need a good love story because I right now in this situation that I'm in I cannot have a man because I will absolutely become Codependent girl, so I need something that's gonna simulate that for me

 and I go to bed feeling satisfied No, honestly, like out of man, you know, right? Cuz then it's like you get the feeling of a man cuz I get a little horns up and Like seven to break Don't even get me started I told Melinda yesterday I was like I'm getting to a point where I feel like my Heads is like men don't like you not physically, but I was like mental men don't like my personality And she's like why would you say that and I was like I could name a few things a they block me all the time I 

Sorry to be on the same boat to be honest. 

It's not true. It's not we'll talk about it after Cuz it's 

not true. She broke it down for me. You know what? Let's do it right now You want to do it right now? Just a quick little exercise 

go ahead.

 How would you explain yourself? Not how people see you how you 

see you. 

I think I'm funny. I think I'm outgoing. I think I Like to try new things. I think I'm I don't think I'm motivated. I think I'm Actually, 

I do think I'm motivated for certain things but oh, I don't know. This is like a tell me about yourself in five words It's so like hard on the spot, especially. 

No, yeah, it is when I did it I was like, well, I think I'm funny, which is really starting with and I was like a Lot of people take my passion for Aggressiveness and she was like, why are you bringing other people in? I asked you how you feel about yourself? I was like, you're right. I was like, okay I am super passionate and I'm super driven and I feel like I'm a light in a room when I am in that room Although I do enjoy being by myself and she was like, that's beautiful and like I'm gonna tell you what she told me because I Felt that in this moment the way you describe yourself. You were excited. You felt light You felt confident in how you just described yourself. So take that because like people are gonna see that just because some people don't The amount of people that think I'm intimidating and aggressive when in reality if you really know me You know, I'm the softest fucking person on earth, right? 

Yes, bitch. 

Did you say no? So it's like just because other people want to see me a certain way doesn't mean that has to change my view on myself So take that as you please you guys But yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna send you the book because I feel like you'd like it It's a quick read. It's like light. You don't have to learn anything You can just immerse yourself in 

the book and then you'll masturbate and I will during and after Anyway, the whole episode today is basically around Managing depression and that's the only time we're gonna say the D word because we don't want to say it like that But we're gonna play a little game called when I'm sad I blank and then we'll just give you all ideas on what we do to Lift ourselves up. 

But yeah, it's gonna be a fun little take on self-care Let's not say depression on sadness make it light fun, but still educational and informative and that's it So Rex of the week so this week because I've been feeling so low I've been going back to comfortability and watching stuff that makes me feel Sad and letting emotions out. So I rehashed this old movie that I watched back in maybe 

Titanic

 no That's my favorite movie is Titanic you guys It is but I wanted to watch something that I haven't watched in a while that gave me like that. Oh, real despair feeling Okay, so this movie is called dancer in 

the dark and it's with the singer Bjork. I don't know if you know her She's Icelandic. Okay, so a really big singer like back in 90s still kind of big regardless This movie's about a Czech immigrant that comes to America and it's about her story of slowly going blind I was like damn for real. 

That's crazy. 

It's a musical. Oh, which I fucking hate

 I was gonna say I hate musicals. 

I hate musicals, but this movie is so good so depressing 

I like a Chicago. Have you ever seen Chicago? No, but mine's high school musical girl She's a Disney as well at this point the title is yours girl Let me just click off now deleted supported 

He's getting deported soon my friend 

Clap if you should be supported y'all 

Clap in the chat But um the movie's really good and also this movie has like a Really sad part in my life because when I first watched it is when I was taking organic chemistry And the final grades were coming out as soon as I was watching the movie So I finished the movie and I'm already crying because the movies fucked at the end and then I was like Let me check my canvas and see what grade I got and then I found that I failed organic chemistry for the third time No, no, no, no, I wanted to be surprised I ended that night by beating the floor like I was Literally punching the floor because I was so mad So it just brings me back to that low point in my life, you know, so a full circle 

We love to just go back into the darkness That plays into if it's comfortable don't do it like you have the self-control Um, so one of mine I watched this movie called the Woman King with Viola Davis Never even heard of it. Yeah, I don't know why it's like really really good Um, I don't know if it came out in theaters or what but it I think I saw it on Netflix Um, I love anything Viola Davis does you know once she spoke at USF. Did you go to that? 

No, but I remember a lot of people 

Oh my god, it was so good. I had the pleasure of going and it was just so insightful But yeah, the Woman King was so good. It's set in Africa and She's a fucking bad bitch. She's a 

fucking woman king like they get her woman king. But she's like a fighter. There's just a whole storyline about womanhood and sisterhood But like super action fighting war All that so it's some good shit and like as you know I was like hesitant because I don't really go for movies like that But now I was like viola is my bitch So I think I saw something on Twitter about this like when I was coming out I think I saw something about like the making of it because she did all of the acts and she's like Mm-hmm. She's like I think in her 60s if I'm not mistaken and 

that bitch is built Yo, like black really don't crack. She was jumping in the air fucking sword like It's just like crazy. Her body was capable of doing for that movie. Yeah, it was insane So highly recommend if I'm not mistaken this movie might be based on a real woman But I'm not sure if this is I think no, I think it said at the beginning based on true events Mm-hmm. There we go So I might be watching this actually ahead of their time to have a woman king like that like way back when Girl king queen king and queen queen queen 

bitch clink clink You know, I'm throwing it back to about a month ago when girls was But girls you guys so I've watched the first two seasons of girls Beforehand but now I started getting to the third season and this third season you guys Really clicks with my life, 

you know another friend that I have who gets really obsessed with men also likes girls a lot I think it connects with you. Yeah. Yeah, no, she's like obsessed with like this guy after a week of dating him I'm like girl shut up. He don't even like you like that me. 

Oh my god. That's so me Yeah, but I connected like Hannah is like the 

main character Because she has like similar tendencies like me, but I also connect with her friend. Jessa in the show who's like I fucks with Jess. Oh, oh my god That's so me like when things get hard she leaves when like she's just so selfish was always Hannah And she didn't even like her boyfriend after he loved her so much like Queen queen me But like the third season Focuses like more when they're moving into becoming young adults because the first two seasons I think dealt with more them freshly being out of college and this is more like adult life And it's more related to my life now. So I'm just like girl I cry and then I laugh and then I cry and then I laugh And I'm like, oh my god, this is too real. Yeah, it might be my headspace right now, but the show is 

fucking good I don't give a fuck. I like when I show I like when I feel really connected to a show like that ‘’

Another work I have it's a pretty old one, but I'm obsessed with Chelsea handler And all of her shit is like coming up on Netflix. It's called Chelsea does and it's a four-part documentary You tell me I need to watch yeah, and she does four different things One of them is Chelsea does drugs, which is really fun. She does a shawant 

Ayahuasca

 ayahuasca Shwaska sorry, I was gonna say a shawanda or whatever, which is that anxiety powder? I don't even think I'm doing that right She also does marriage Chelsea does marriage, and you know, she's not married no kids. So that was fun Yeah, and it's an oldie but Goldie Documentary 

I love those shows where like celebrities talk about their drug Not habits, but like drug experiences 

well then they also like I don't know the documentary is so good because every episode There's only four and every episode she'll have a dinner centered around the topic with other like comedians or actors or even like Artists and for the Chelsea does drugs. They did a cannabis infused meal So they all got zooed to this fuck and they were all talking and she was like No one's ever thought that I had a drug problem, right? And she has like some of her like writers that were on her show And they were like, I mean yeah, there was a time There was a time And she was like what and that there was she was like you too and she was like yeah Like there was a time that we almost like she was like had an intervention And they were like yeah, but we knew like that wasn't really That's gonna be me if somebody has an intervention with me I'm like Mocking her she was like get out It was a really good documentary the other one is like silicone Valley, which is cool I have to finish that one, but oh a recommendation real quick Everybody do your taxes cuz I just got my money in Why you making me I hate when people say the word taxes cuz that just like makes me scared 

My mama do my taxes, you know her she

 No, this is my first time to my taxes as an unemployed self-proclaimed influencer So I have no idea what to do don't even restart it. That's on that's on me. Me next year Yeah, cuz we did 

general nomads, but by next year Papa We've been to have a bookkeeper We can have everybody just doing our shit cuz we don't do admin.

 I'm gonna have an accountant 

We're gonna have an accountant. Oh, I haven't we already have an accountant that my brother's a CPA But we can actually pay him so that he could treat me like a client rather than a sister who's needy 

He could just take a small percentage of my refund 

My last wreck if you need a gift idea We do have a link for you guys with a coupon code for birthday candles You can get 10% off linked in the description. That's all exactly All right now it's time for the topic of 

the week you guys

 Let's get goofy and sad 

Let's get silly sad silly sad vibes hot girls get sad Laughing while I'm crying right live laugh cry so we're gonna play a little game called when I'm sad I and We recommend that you take like if you need a little journaling prompt You can do this today with us or when we're done with this call you guys since we're on the phone with you Um, hello, and yeah, and it does and don't put pressure on yourself like it's just like literally be vulnerable It's like when you're sad. What do you do? This is a really good like self-awareness practice, right? And just like grounding I'm gonna kick us off like 

Taking us back to To 2000 and no actually to 1994 when I was first sad What I'm sad I stare at the mirror As my suicide survivor playlist plays and I contemplate why the world hates me and I cry in darkness Is your playlist found on Spotify actually I don't know if my place are public But this one's really good you guys if you're sad and you want something sad to listen to this is the playlist for you Maybe I'll put that in the description So when you look yourself in the mirror like are you telling yourself you're beautiful are you just telling every Like you're telling oh my god. No, I'm telling myself the worst things possible And I'm literally sitting staring at myself in the eyes and crying. Oh, that's so deep 

That's the direction we're going with this one. Okay, cuz No, when I'm like the saddest and I'm at my 

lowest point, I do everything possible to keep myself there. Like I will not listen to happy music. Self sabotage, babe. We gotta stop that. I tell myself like I have to feel it out. If I 

don't, then I just don't let the emotions out. 

Maybe we should unpack that eventually. 

Not today, but like maybe another time. I've been looking into therapy recently. Okay, I was gonna say, literally 

when I was having therapy yesterday, and then you were venting about, you know, your bullshit and I was like, 

Mike would really feel good if he had therapy. Like I was like, it would really, it would do you a lot of test results. 

Hannah on girls just got a therapist and I was like, well, Hannah has a therapist and I should get one.

 I don't know why I don't inspire you, but it's very rude. 

Like I don't inspire you and I take it to heart. 

I don't know what it is. Like I think it's the people that are closest to me that 

I just, I never listen to. Well, you listen to your friends that just came over. I do, but you're closer to me than they are because I've known you for longer. Well, let me brighten it up. Let me brighten up the mood. 

Why are you so fucking sad? When I'm sad, when I'm sad, I'm midday masturbate. Oh, me too. Actually, that's a good one. I just love a daytime. It can just turn you around. It 

really like boosts your dopamine, but for me personally, like after that dopamine rush, I'm like, I kind of feel a little bit worse. You got it. To be honest, I do. I don't know if I feel worse, 

but it's like, it's just a very much in the moment. Like, oh, I feel good right now, but I do have a tendency of going back to my sadness after, because I'm like, you lonely ass bitch, if you had a man, you could fuck him. 

No, literally. 

But not honestly, I actually read an article that the 

number one thing that keeps marriages alive is when the two people have separate sex lives. By that meaning, they still masturbate, they still fantasize, no, not open. They still fantasize about other people. They can dance with other people. And I thought about that and I was like, that is true, 

because it's not like we want to cheat. We just want to like, you know what I mean? I don't know, I feel like having that leeway of being able to like have your own mind. 

I don't know, I still feel like I would have to pleasure myself if I'm in a minute. I feel like one of the keys to a healthy relationship is 

having separation, having your own friends. Having your own life, yeah. And that includes your own sex life too. I don't know, I know some hoes that don't like that, their man master jerks off whenever they're in a relationship and they're like, gross, what? I just don't get it. They don't like when their guy watches porn. I'm gonna literally sit there and watch him. 

But a lot of people get so insecure, like if my man's 

watching BigTitty porn, then he must only like BigTitties, but no, there's a difference between a fantasy. 

Yeah, exactly. Like I'm, I feel like I'm always gonna be watching boy on boy, girl on girl shit. Like, and who knows the type of relationship I'm gonna end up in, but like.

 I like watching doctor porn, but that don't mean I condone doctors having sex with their patients. Exactly, like we all know our fantasies. 

So yeah, anyway, when I'm sad, midday masturbate. When I'm sad, I look through my horoscope and read that shit to the fucking T. You read you to filth. 

No, literally, I'm like, what is wrong with me? I need to figure this out now. And I take notes on that shit. Like I go in. You're like, this is why.

 No, seriously, I sent you that thing on how your moon sign 

is literally you and you have to connect with it so much. 

Oh, I just saw the TikTok you sent me about the auras too. I'm gonna look into it. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna do a little dig in. Mm-hmm.

 But horoscope, 

yeah, for sure.

 Like I'll be looking into it. I'm like on co-star. And what was the other one? The pattern girl. They got some in-depth ass shit on there. 

Yeah, like at the 

beginning of my journey, going through horoscopes was definitely like something that helped me because it helps. You understand yourself a little bit more. I consider it like reading a self-help book, honestly, when you dive deep into all of your planets and shit. It's just like this makes- 

Like before those, I remember when those apps like first started taking off and everybody was reading like the fucking six, seven pages of descriptions that they give. Oh my God, girl. I was so into it. I was like, 

the house? A house? A planet? A house? Like I got a house on a planet. I got a house. I got 12 houses?

 Girl, what a crazy. 

When nobody told me, timeshare houses. Like. 

No, Zodiac reading is definitely a good one. Okay, me. When 

I'm sad, when I'm sad, I overly binge. So like I like to order a really good meal and I like to binge television. And I used to be really insecure about how much I loved watching television, particularly reality television. And although my therapist does still judge me on that, I'm super confident about it. Like fuck it, like I love. The thing about reality TV for me is that I'm able to 

immerse myself in their lives so much that I don't even think about mine. Like I'm like, these hoes got mad drama. Like Real Housewives. I'm like, real housewives. 

Girl, that's escapism.

 It's escap, a real context if you care to 

listen. Every time somebody says escapism, I have to sing the song escapism. I love talking about escapism. I've been so smart. I'm like, yeah, that's escapism, y'all.

 When you escape into a different 

reality. What is that? 

No, literally, I feel like a housewife. So I'm currently rewatching Real Housewives of New York from literally season one. And it's so funny. But ordering something really good is a big thing. Like I do 

that quite often. Like it's just like such a treat to not only like order in, but to order something like, I don't know. You know what I mean? That you really be craving, especially when you're in a bad mood. Right. And during this time when it's cold as shit outside and the way it's fucking ass. Don't nobody wanna be out. Fuck no baby.

 No. That goes into 

mine actually. So this one's actually dependent on what 

phase of the sadness that I'm in. So mine is when I'm sad, I buy a shit ton of junk food, smoke, and then watch either scary movie or something adjacent to that movie. 

That's a good one. 

Or that's when I'm feeling good. And I'm like, it's time to 

laugh. It's time to let loose. But if I'm still in like that early phase, girl, Titanic, smoke and watch Titanic with some food. Girl, I'll be balling. As the movie starts, I'm like crying already. Oh, that or Selena girl. Selena wanna start. Because the movie starts 

like, Late in the night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you. And I'm a shot of star, that's someone I'm thinking of you. Love you too. Hahaha. You're a blessing to Selena. And we jumping you Yolanda soon. Yeah. When she's out of jail, I'm jumping her ass. 

She out, girl. 

She out. 

I'm pretty sure she got released like a year ago or something. You got me fucked up. I love that because I love like 

a good movie in particular. 

Like when I watched The Woman King, I was like, I'm gonna watch a movie. Because sometimes I'm in the mood for a show. But sometimes I'm in the mood for a good movie. because it's easier for me to like not be on my phone because there's like breaks in between like going into the next episode going into the fifth episode because that's- the heart season emphasis on the binge guys emphasis on the binge but I love a good movie

 I think this has to do with us like wanting to escape our reality so we just like focus in like that's why I smoke before the movie because I'm like I need to be in this movie I need to be feeling it ‘

oh yeah I'm smoking Reguardless Girl all of these when I'm sad best believe it starts I smoke and then I do when I'm sad I smoke in midday masturbate I smoke and what does something good in watch TV 

that's why I'm cutting that shit out I can't stop I can't keep smoking because I keep avoiding my issues it's something

 I do I mean everybody's different my therapist definitely thinks I need to stop smoking but we just don't talk about it anymore because I don't like the way she like I don't like the way she's right I don't like let me have one thing bro like life is already so hard that's me though like you know yourself you gotta do what you gotta do anyway okay when I'm sad I like to dance it out sometimes I like to do throwbacks so that I like connect a little bit with my inner child and I don't know if I told you I haven't really told anybody but like the other day

 this is an exclusive

 this is an off-duty exclusive no this is exclusive the other day I was feeling sad about something I don't even know I was feeling mad sad it was like dark out and I was like let me put this song line and it was Kobe O'Donnes what you got always talking about what you got do you know that song great that you need to stop the girl's that 

no no that sound like Michael Jackson no girl why would you bring him up now why would you do that

 bless you Michael no another angel was lost no anyways girl I put that song on and I literally was like get up and dance Alexis like normally when I do like a little dance pick me up it's like in the middle of the day and I don't know why it's so significant but it was at night I got up and I danced and I closed my eyes and it was weird I was like this sounds crazy but I literally was like all young me like on the couch like I connected with my what is so funny 

I'm imagining this fucking fever dream of shit that went down like this bitch was hallucinating 

she was on such a hot I know like I was hallucinating and I've so like if you go through therapy and stuff and like are into this shit like connecting with your inner child and connecting with like who you were before especially if you come from a lot of trauma and that's something that I've struggled with to the point where I was incapable of giving myself empathy the way I'm very capable of giving it to others so when I would try to practice talking to my young self or talking to my inner child I had to imagine them as not me so that I can empathize with them because I'm so hard on myself due to trauma and so that was my first time really being able to connect and it's crazy like it felt like I was in a hallucination I was obviously very much smoking in that moment as you should be girl yeah but it was like I was able to tell young me that like everything works out and to like not end myself which I know some like we said we weren't we all get to that point my life was really hard growing up and we don't have to get into it but it was crazy like I connected with myself and this is like really vulnerable you guys so like don't make fun of me Mik

e I'm not girl I was gonna add to this actually one of the podcasts I listened to for self help says like one of the ways to help yourself is to put a picture of yourself as a child as your wallpaper and when you want to speak like something negatively about yourself and I was like I'm gonna write the child version of you and say it to them and it's like it's harder that way no I would cry I was just about to change my wallpaper to me as a kid because I remembered it I know

 I've been thinking about putting it on putting it on my like mirror but I'm kind of scared because I just like I don't know 

I'm like I'm gonna do 

oh not with your mom though crop her out crop her out

 I need to be nice to my mom sometimes 

she needs to be nice to you anywa

y she do anyways 

so yeah I like to that was the first time that I ever like used that type of tip of listening to music and dancing it out that was the first time I ever connected with myself like that normally I just like to like dance it out because if you move your body and you listen to music then you're able to really just let go of the anxiety that's literally just stupid 

even animals do that like when a gazelle is running away from a lion and it escapes it always shakes it off like the anxiety and then yeah

 just like when a dog shakes it off like no one's constantly shaking that bad energy off and like you go ahead girl I'm doing it soon it works for humans electronic music helps me without to like there's a couple songs that really just make me feel

 like you know I have like a anime playlist that I be playing dancing like a little girl and then we are girl so bad let me transition in peace all right you're next what I'm sad I scroll on Tinder for hours this is not a good tip 

no no this ain't a tip show I'm not a therapist I'm a therapist you guys if you take anything from this episode take my I'm sad don't listen to this on this one terrible like 

finding a man or finding a relationship is never gonna solve your problems is gonna make it worse never if you're in a bad place and you find a relationship is not gonna help you really because you're still that person that you were before you just often a break up anyway you have somebody that you're attached to and the problems are always gonna come back and then you're gonna be the point you're digging your own grave if you do tha

t yeah that's why I'm not looking for a man right now because I know I will eventually spiral in my life I don't even want to get into it because don't don't it's making me sad 

God I want a man you need yourself girl you need to love yourself you don't love yourself enough girl

 I'm just I'm just horny to be honest

 I'm about to transition for you so I could save you you just want me girl I'm really so mirror you're listening mirror her mirror her sir I don't I want you to know mirror her lord if you're up there lord lord

 not her being Irish 

anyway so you scroll through Tinder way too much yeah well having in a while but that was like I'm gonna be honest I do the same but I know it's self sabotage it's another way of like mindlessly scrolling because at some point after the first five guys

 I'm mindlessly doing it at that point because there's so many times where I just like you know what happens for me like I'll be watching the Like I watch the movie get high binge watch and binge eat and then I'm like, you know what? Let me go find me a man and then I go in that like a fucking dumb ass like girl And then I talked to him for like a second and then I'm like you're stupid 

You know what we should be doing. We should be feeling sad and taking our ass for a fucking walk 

We really should which is might goes into my next wreck of when I'm sad I Forced myself out of the house and it doesn't have to be anything crazy for me I either like going to the movies. I like to go to a bistro movie so that I can eat and watch the movie alone I really like that because I don't got to talk to nobody. I'm not worried about like anybody looking at me like 

Girl, what time is it? I might go watch a movie right now. You know what? You know what? She said I'm rich. I'm a 

rich I'm clicking off the record. I'm clicking off everything. I was like, let me actually I finished the sentence. I was 

so ready. You was ready girl.

 Girl I was already on Google I know I saw you type. I was like girl slow down. We still got to finish up this combo I forgot. I forgot we were recording girls 

I like the movies a lot 

because getting out of the house and feeling other people's energies Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure. You know, it's so relieving because you're so cooped up into your energy and you don't have to be familiar with their energy It's just feeling other people shit. So I like to do that or like go to a coffee shop Which now that I practice today going without the intent of working. I feel like that's really gonna be helpful 

And then I have juice off. Oh, I thought you left that man's like a line off the 

Mic

 People make it seem like it's like everybody's so negative and everybody's so mean Which like people are like they're just like dry, which is fine cuz so am I but the big thing about New York is that community is huge So I have a restaurant where it literally feels like my second home not me I have this Chinese spot that I like to go to and they basically know me by name I've spent two Christmases there like I take myself there solo Don't be fun to me I'm vibing in there It's like a little hole in the wall, but I go so often and the waiter literally that gives me a hug He knows my mom. He's like, oh just you Yeah, like when my mom visits any friend that visits I take them there So yeah, basically going somewhere comfortable Like if you're too much in your head and you need to get out Don't like overwhelm yourself with like I need to sit at a bar and eat at a bar alone Like yeah, I think especially like when you live alone.

 It's so easy to spiral and like really have the same thought process And you just need a change of environment like change that You're gonna have like a change of mindset immediately Right, even if you have to push yourself to get there like literally take a fucking walk But even Monday or Tuesday it was this week I pushed myself to like take a walk and like really be outside the house for maybe like five hours and Honestly, I didn't feel satisfied with it But it did take me out of that headspace and I did get to think of a little bit different types of thoughts and I mean I changed my piercing and then I got a haircut and then I went to work And I saw like some of my coworkers on my day off Not for long I was there for five minutes It's just like when you're not when you're so in your head and you're not being present You forget all the things you do in a day and it's like if I look at just like my reality of shit I had a really good day. I was in my head So then I felt like I wasn't having a good day, but my reality is that out of the day, you know Just taking a walk in general just like first step is take a walk It doesn't have to be to anywhere just take a walk Rule number one to be a boss ass bitch never let a clown try to play you if he play you then rule number two It's fuck his best friends and make them yes, man I don't know why This time to become a singing podcast We always say 

Girl when I'm sad I sang Literally the the amount of times I do that rule number one like the rules that Nicki Minaj told us it gets me out of a Honestly, that should have been a when I'm sad. I quote Nicki Minaj Yeah, actually like that's another thing like I do a lot to make me happy as I talk to myself in the mirror and I'll be like Oh, yeah, so I'm just doing that when I'm sad I talk to myself out loud quite often Oh, absolutely because like I'll have that intrusive thought of anxiety being like you're dumb. 

You're stupid That's why you're broke. Just like saying all these lies literally I lied to myself and 

then I'm like I Outlawed that's in my head out loud. I'll be like Lex. Shut the fuck up Like that's not true, bro And then I'm like look out the fucking mirror like or look at the mirror look at the fucking window Look at the mirror and look at the No, for sure like one of my goals for the summer to be able to travel alone 

So I was writing in my journal today. I was like you wouldn't want to travel with your enemy You want to travel with your best friend? So become your own best friend? I'm so corny in my journal like I'm shake a spear or some shit I'm gonna take on my journal right now first page of my new journal I literally talked to myself about myself and I was basically like I'm so honored and grateful to spend 24-7 with y

ou sleigh I felt like it was a practice of not only self-love but to also know how like I could love someone Because not that anybody would replace those feelings for me But knowing that somebody could feel that way about me Because I'm not you know because I go into self-talk of like everyone hates me men hate me But it's like if I know that I love being around myself all the time Someone else would too not all the time because I need my space, but you know what I mean That's how to talk is so good Life's all about perspective in mindset girl 100% I think one episode we should have one where we read random sentences from our journal entries 

Oh here's a sentence from my journal if y'all are only speaking Spanish I'm out This is what I first moved here now my friends fucking spoke Spanish all the time and I was like bitch if I'm 

You're serving Trump Trump Let's get everybody included let's be inclusive like let's be coming inclusive and speak English you guys

 Exactly girl also like the only one not speaking Spanish. I was like well why you're nothing include me and invite me English speaking person every white person is like speak American If they were speaking Swedish, then yeah, I'm not gonna complain because I'm in Sweden But we're in Sweden like they're not even speaking Swedish why y'all speaking spec I'm allowed to say if I was in Cuba, then you think you're very nice start speaking Bulgarian much. Good. Let me speak a much car. 

Oh, it's the red is a I'm talking about podcasts and... I could come. Sounds so gay though. New attraction unlocked. You speaking 

a different language

. Now your hand looking a little too cute right there. Let me 

see it again. I want that middle finger and my tummy. Throw my pussy. Okay, little rapid fire when I'm sad. I therapy of course. You guys. Eventually we're going to have a... One of our sponsors 

is going to be BetterHelp. And I'll talk to you guys about it then. 

Main infesting y'all. 

Main infesting. But it's definitely an investment in money and time and energy. Because 

not everybody is as lucky to just... The first therapist they have is the one for them. Most people assume like the first therapist is going to be perfect and like, Well this fucking sucks. I like this therapist. 

It's like finding a best friend. Not everybody is going to click with you. 

Exactly. That's a great way of putting it. And on psychology.com you can search for therapists in your range. And you can also filter them. So like I filtered it to 

a female. At the time I also filtered it to a minority. Because I was struggling with my traumas. That I had never unpacked. And I thought there would be a cultural difference. Like I didn't 

want my therapist to judge. If she was like white or brown. I still ended up with a white American therapist. But she's married to a Latino. Another tip with just finding a therapist. I know we weren't going 

to get into this. But if they don't offer like a 15 or 30 minute consultation. For free. They're not for you. If they offer a free one. I'm taking notes bitch. You should. Because psychology.com like I said you 

can filter it to a location. You can filter it to a location. Gender. All of that. Along with like cognitive behavioral therapy. And you 

can filter it to like ones that are good with trauma. One that are good with like relationship. Whatever. Like their specialty. So yeah with mine and Melinda. My first session. We talk about 

it often. I was very reserved. I literally went in there telling her. I 

don't want anybody telling me what to do. That's how I went in there. I was like I don't. She 

was like that's not what I'm here to do. And I was like for real cause I thought you was. She was like no girl. I won't tell you what to do. A lot of people think that even I thought that. The main point of the therapist is to actually lead you to 

the answer.

 And they're never supposed to tell you it outright. Because most people the way they learn is when they come to the conclusion themselves. Because somebody tells you that it's never going to be the same connection as you making it. Your neural pathways make that connection themselves. It's way stronger than somebody making it for you. 

Exactly. And like for me last thing I'm going to say is that 

it took me like. It took me nine months of going to her weekly. To actually open up about. The deepest. Traumas that I had. Cause when I went at the time it was because. Well fun fact. I got harassed by my manager at Facebook. And they did a 

whole investigation and he was a white man. So they decided I didn't have enough proof. Although I had text messages and literal people. To vouch for me. And I was like I'm not going to 

do that. I'm just going to be like a literal people to vouch for me. And that put me in a hole. That put me in a 

really deep hole. And I was like you know what I need help. And that's when I found a therapist. And I thought that's what I was going for. But that actually triggered everything else. That I had buried so deep in me. That. It took nine months to come out. But yeah. Highly recommend therapy. But it's good that it's stuff like 

that needs to come out at some point needs to be worked out. Or else it's always going to be there. It's insane. It's insane what we're capable of holding in as humans. 

As children. Crazy. We're resilient. Anyway. Smoke and journal is another thing. Just smoke and journal. Or 

drink if you're into a little glass of wine.

 Drink responsibly.

 Drink responsibly you guys. Yeah. Don't be fucking dumb. You can do so many bad things. If 

you're an addict. 

Mine is when I'm sad. Call a friend that energizes me. Call somebody that makes you laugh. Get you out of the mood.

 I was thinking about that. Cause I call you. I'll be like 

I just need to laugh right now. Or call a friend so that you can hear their drama. So that you can just escape from yours for a little bit. 

Or call somebody that makes you feel at home and comfortable. That's somebody you could confide in. And really not make you feel 

judged. Like I have three friends that I can really come to at all times. And really just not feel judged about whatever I have to say. 

Am I on that list?

 Yeah. It's you. Melissa. Hey girl. 

Girl. 

Anyway. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. 

You know. My man

. No. You're definitely somebody that 

I call when I. Not when I want to. That. Well sometimes. But more of like when I want you to just 

turn my mood around. Cause I know you'll like.

 Yeah. Cause you call me all the time. 

I'm calling you to make 

me laugh. Make me laugh now. Yeah. Sorry if you feel like a puppet. But I know that 

you'll just like. 

No girl. 

You'll make fun of me. Like you'll be like girl. Hahaha. I just started laughing. Hahaha. I am a good joke. I 

have been known to be a 

comedian. What you do too is like you'll make it about yourself. And you'll be like well let me tell you about my date. Hahaha. It does help. 

Before I meet them they'll tell somebody like oh I hate people 

that talk about themselves so much. And then they meet me and they're like oh my god I love Mike. And I'm like girl.

 But literally all I do is talk about myself. I guess you don't know me. Cause I am self involved. Yeah. Like everything has to be about me. 

No. I'm obsessed with myself. 

Anyways. Hahaha. Do you have another one? Or 

are we?

 No. That was actually 

it. We. Good. So we hope that. You feel at least some relation here. You took some tips away too. Not from Mike. But from me. 

Cause Mike is still healing. We're all still healing. But Mike is 

very much at the beginning. 

Oh my god. To be honest this episode healed me. Cause I've been having like 

the pit of my stomach anxiety all week. And right now I don't have it at all. And I've had it. Absolutely all day.

 Sometimes you just gotta let that shit out. It's crazy. Woo. I hope you guys feel as good as I 

do actually. And I hope you relate it. And let us know if you like these types of episodes. We know like we've come here to just be silly little girls. But we're actually very like in depth people and we love like being vulnerable. So let us know if you enjoyed. If you didn't you can 

DM us if you want. Do not leave us a shitty review though. Cause I will fuck you up. Don't ruin our fight. We will find you.

 I will find you. I know heckas.

 Yeah. So yeah. You guys know the drill. Follow 

us on off duty underscore six 

times. If you want to follow us personally. 

I'm Mike. And Mike is Mike Kandoff. 

Everything will be linked in the description of this episode. You can 

find us there. You can find other episodes to reference. And you can find some discounts. So yeah. You never know what 

you'll get. Yep. You never know. Alright. We'll see you next week. Alright. Bye guys. See you. Bonjour. 

Bye.